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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286834">‘Til I Collapse</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhoneyy/pseuds/starhoneyy'>starhoneyy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Boxing, Alternate Universe - Sports, Blood, Boxer!Jaehyun, Boxer!Johnny, Boxing &amp; Fisticuffs, Drama &amp; Romance, Drugs, Fighting, Getting Together, Jaehyun Getting His Ass Beat: The Fic, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun &amp; Suh Youngho | Johnny Are Best Friends, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun is Whipped, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun-centric, Kissing, Light Angst, Love at First Sight, M/M, NCT Sports Fest — Theme Competition/Rivalry, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Jongin/Taeyong, Performance Drugs, Ring Boys and Ring Girls, RingBoy!Taeyong, Roughness, Slice of Life, Sports, boxing inaccuracies, doping</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:29:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>23,185</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29286834</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/starhoneyy/pseuds/starhoneyy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jaehyun had been in the game for awhile — he’s had highs and lows, wins and losses, but with each of them, he came out triumphant. So he should’ve known that going for someone like Taeyong was a rookie mistake.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>153</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>‘Til I Collapse</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>it’s jaehyun’s birthday in a couple days... this one’s for you, king! </p><p>enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jaehyun clenched his hands into ivory fists, blunt nails digging into calloused palms, making them throb with a low, dull pain. But that wasn't what he was paying attention to — it was the blood rush, the electric thrill in his veins, and the pounding of his heart against his ribcage waiting to be set free. Though, he knew that it was the goddamn nerves that had him feel like this. Nerves paired with thrilling excitement from waiting to step into the ring.</p><p>A large, familiar hand clamped down on his shoulder, forcing him to tear his eyes away from the curtain he'd been waiting to emerge from as he counted down the time for the current match to come to an end. It was Johnny, his closest friend and adopted mentor, smiling down at him with a cheshire grin. Johnny didn't have to be in today, but he'd come for Jaehyun even though Jaehyun had insisted that he wasn't needed. But they both knew that was a lie, and that went without saying.</p><p>"Are you sure you got this, boy?" Johnny asked him, gripping his shoulder in a way that was supposed to be reassuring but did nothing but put Jaehyun more on edge than he was already.</p><p>Jaehyun shrugged Johnny's hand off and rolled his eyes. "I told you to stop calling me that. You're barely older than me, grandpa." Johnny threw his head back in unabashed laughter, earning them a few unpleasant glances since it was fight night and <em>everyone</em> was in an iffy mood. One false move and the invisible bomb in the waiting room would be detonated.</p><p>"And I'm fine," Jaehyun continued, "just... <em>y'know</em>."</p><p>Johnny's laughter came to a standstill, and he quirked a brow at Jaehyun. Jaehyun shamefully drew his eyes downwards, not ready to be eye to eye with Johnny's dissecting gaze on a night like this. Johnny could read him like an open book, or maybe Jaehyun was just that <em>obvious,</em> but it made sense — Jaehyun was nervous because it was his first time on <em>that</em> stage. The first level and stage was rookie, then this was amateur, and next would be the big leagues where he could work with the professionals. But it wasn't just that either — it was the fact that his first fight on this stage would be with a man whose name had been passed around so quietly, as if said aloud, it would invoke his wrath.</p><p>Kim Jongin — stage name Kai.</p><p>For all intents and purposes, Kim Jongin wasn't even <em>meant</em> to be fighting with someone like Jaehyun. He had the skill sets of a true professional and was just as ruthless in the ring, but the thing that was keeping him back was his temper — on and off stage. Countless scandalous fights with actual referees, other members, judges even, had kept him from progressing into the limelight where he rightfully deserved. So here he was, fighting with amateurs with moves much too advanced that made his wins almost <em>too easy.</em></p><p>Jaehyun didn't know whose idea it was to make his first fight with fucking Jongin, but they were surely out to get him. He only hoped that he wouldn't embarrass himself too much — he'd give everything he had to let everyone know that he could at least stand on his own feet for a moment before being knocked over. He was sort of spiteful, too, when he was told that he'd be fighting with Jongin suddenly after his other opponent had to cancel because his wife had given birth. If fate existed, it was written in his destiny to die by the age of twenty three.</p><p>"Listen, Jae, it'll be fine. You let him strike you down after dodging for a couple minutes and you'll be fine," Johnny told him.</p><p>Jaehyun sent him a scornful look. It was easy for him to say when Johnny had some height and girth on both him and Jongin and was making his way to the professional leagues, soon leaving Jaehyun in the dust. Johnny could say something like that so damn easily because he was <em>Johnny.</em></p><p>"What? So you suggest that I don't even <em>try</em> and hit him?" Jaehyun said, taking a step back, partly insulted even if deep down, he knew that Johnny's words had been justified.</p><p>Johnny frowned. "No. But yes... That's exactly it, yes."</p><p>Fire flickered in Jaehyun's eyes, and Johnny recognised the look. It'd work in any other fight, but he didn't want his best friend to go out there and get himself killed for the sake of pride. "Listen, I'm not trying to say that you're..." Johnny trailed off, but Jaehyun heard him loud and clear. "But Jongin is different. Even I've never beaten him. We've drawn, but I've never actually knocked him out. He's built different."</p><p>"Different?" Jaehyun raised an angry brow.</p><p>"It doesn't matter. Okay, I'm not gonna tell you what to do. I can only advise because for some reason, I seem to like you—"</p><p>Jaehyun scoffed, he was <em>incredibly</em> likeable, he'd been told that by his mother many times.</p><p>"So I want to see you excel, okay? Just be careful out there, and don't say anything too harsh to provoke him. The dude has anger issues that go beyond human, so be careful," Johnny said, eyes softening in a way that made Jaehyun's previous anger dissolve. The knots in Jaehyun's shoulders unwound, and he sighed, on guard stance now gone because Johnny wasn't a threat, and that much would always be clear.</p><p>"I will, don't worry.. I sort of don't wanna die either," Jaehyun said, and they both chuckled, though Jaehyun's was strained with painful nervousness.</p><p>Suddenly, the door to the waiting room was swung open, and everybody turned their heads. There, dressed in skin tight, form fitting, extremely cut, short shorts, was the most beautiful person Jaehyun had ever seen. His fiery red hot pants matched his cropped, skin hugging top that had the company's name on it — <strong>THUNDER</strong>. Jaehyun thought that it was tremendously fitting considering the way he had stormed into the room, invoking thunder rolls and cracks of lightning under his feet as he walked. And he was making his way towards him now, Jaehyun realised — he was making his way towards him, and Jaehyun just stood there looking like a damn <em>fool.</em></p><p>"Excuse me," the beautiful stranger said, void of any real emotion.</p><p>Jaehyun opened his mouth, but nothing came out, noiseless. All he could do was stare, brain short circuiting with the realisation that beautiful didn't even begin to cover what the stranger appeared to be. His face was perfectly cut and chiselled, yet had an undeniably soft edge to it, and he had big doe eyes — white and crystalline — with gold and silver glitter on his eyelids to match the accents on his uniform. Even his hair was styled prettily — soft, golden strands tucked behind his ear. And for a moment, Jaehyun envisioned himself running a hand through them to test the feel of them between his fingers to see if they were really that <em>soft.</em></p><p>"I said excuse me?" the pretty stranger, tone on the precipice of restrained annoyance. Jaehyun hadn't even said a word and he'd already ruined his chances with the proclaimed love of his life.</p><p>As Johnny's hand pushed him out of the way, Jaehyun then snapped out of it. "I'm sorry about him. He doesn't know how to act when he sees pretty boys." Johnny grinned, a hand still on Jaehyun's chest to keep him in place and out of the way. But Jaehyun wasn't going anywhere. He wouldn't be moving a single muscle as long as whoever this was was around him — too paralysed and mind dumb in some sort of wondrous, fucked out stupor.</p><p>"It's fine, Johnny," he said.</p><p>He then stepped past Jaehyun to get to the bench on the wall, and for a second, Jaehyun had the clearest view of his ass whilst the stranger bent down to retrieve something. Jaehyun averted his eyes once the stranger straightened back up with those familiar red, white, and silver banners ring girls and boys used in his hand. He mentally berated himself for staring in the first place. He didn't want whoever this was to think he was a <em>dog.</em> But he'd been acting like that by putting his eyes where they didn't belong, even he knew that.</p><p>The stranger straightened up and half smiled at Johnny, no teeth. Jaehyun briefly wondered how, or how <em>much,</em> they knew each other. The thought made his stomach twist irrationally. "Sorry for coming here. One of the girls left our equipment here when she was... <em>fraternising</em> with one of your members."</p><p>"She should know better," Johnny said. "The storage rooms are always a much better option."</p><p>"I'll pass on the message." The corner of the stranger's lips twitched upwards. And then there was a pause, like they were all waiting for Jaehyun to scramble at the chance to speak, but he missed his window of opportunity by the fraction of a second. The stranger's lingering eyes turned away from him and back to Johnny. "Well, I'll be out. I'm on for the next match, so I gotta head out now." The pretty stranger offered another half-assed smile before turning to leave.</p><p>"Cheering for you out there, Tae. You'll do brilliantly," Johnny called out as the stranger — <em>Tae</em> — made his way out of the room. Tae didn't turn back around, but he did raise a hand to wave them goodbye before he finally left the room. Johnny was grinning at the doorway, mouth opening to let out a light laugh, becoming a deep chuckle when his eyes landed upon Jaehyun who looked distressed, rigid, and slightly constipated.</p><p>Jaehyun shut his eyes and let out a wound up breath. "Okay," he said, opening them. "Who was that? Who was Tae? Did you guys have a thing?"</p><p>Johnny's laughter didn't cease. "One question at a time, big boy."</p><p>His laughter then faded, and Jaehyun furrowed his brows, the look in his eyes demanding for answers before he had to go out there and possibly lose his memory from a severe concussion — though, he doubted he'd forget whoever Tae was no matter how large the brain injury.</p><p>"And it's Taeyong, not Tae. He doesn't mind people calling him whatever, I guess. And he's a ring girl— <em>boy,</em>" Johnny corrected. It was a simple mistake, there still was still an underwhelming amount of males in the ring doing such a job.</p><p>"And why are you asking if we were a thing? You interested?" Johnny's eyes swept over him, and Jaehyun found himself growing nervous again but not from the thought of the incoming match. It would only be a minute or two until he made his debut now. Johnny clapped a hand on his shoulder again, and this time, Jaehyun didn't shrug him off — Johnny was a handsy man, after all. "We're not, though. Besides, you know Doyoung's the one I have my eyes on. But you gotta focus now, okay? You have a crowd to impress."</p><p>"I know, I know," Jaehyun said. The reality of it all was beginning to settle in again, weighing heavily on his stomach and dragging him down with a bundle of nerves.</p><p>Johnny gave his shoulder another reassuring squeeze and put out an equally as reassuring smile, his eyes turning into crescents. "Don't worry, bub. You'll do brilliantly," Johnny told him, and Jaehyun was inclined to believe him even if it was a lie — for his own sake more than anything. Jaehyun nodded his head as a wordless thank you before turning back around to peek through the curtains. The fight before him was over now, and the crowd was in shambles.</p><p>Jaehyun closed his eyes and let out a breath. It was his time to shine.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p><em>This</em> was what Jaehyun loved about being stage — the buzz in his veins, the smell of excitement in the air, and the sound of the powerful pumping of his heart over the ceaseless screaming coming from the crowd. The ring he was fighting in was no different from the usual ones — rough canvas under soled feet, yet bigger in size, but the person in front of him wasn't exactly someone he'd been accustomed to. He had watched Jongin fight before, who hadn't? But it was different to be <em>in</em> the fight, watching in real time as he jostled from side to side and rolled his shoulders.</p><p>Jaehyun mimicked his actions, clearing his head in preparation for what was to come. He licked over his mouthguard and zeroed in on Jongin, eyes glazing over in unbreakable focus. He was in his zone now, and hopefully he'd stay in it. The bell chiming indicated that the match had begun, and it was no different from the rest of the fight he'd ever been in. It was ritual in the way they began — dancing around each other and skirting around the circumference of the square ring before Jongin had seemingly had enough of if, advancing like a predator would to his prey, a ferocious glint in his eye.</p><p>And Jaehyun tried to follow what he'd been taught. He even followed what Johnny had shown him, heart pounding against his rib cage, threatening to break free. But Jongin was light on his feet, exceptionally so for a man of his build — taller than Jaehyun by a couple inches and broader in stature — but he was quick, and for some of the punches he threw, Jaehyun didn't see them coming until it was too late. He dodged the ones he'd seen coming by a split second, and surprisingly, he even managed to lay a hit on Jongin's abdomen, but that seemed to do nothing to him, and his gloved fist was met with a muscle wall of resistance.</p><p>At half time, Jaehyun began to lose hope. It seemed like a lost cause before he'd entered the ring, but he hadn't been knocked out yet, and that was a testament of his skill in and of itself. Leaning on the corner of the ring, chest heaving and beads sweat sliding in and out of the grooves of his abdomen, he eyed Jongin — the man downing a bottle of water, adam's apple bobbing as he did so. Then, Jaehyun's eyes flickered toward slender legs stepping over the taut red ropes and into the ring, and his breathing ceased.</p><p>Taeyong looked beautiful like that — in his element with a bright, dazzling smile on his lips, so much different from how Jaehyun had seen him earlier. The lights made him sparkle, and he walked with such confidence and poise, hands high in the air to hold the round number card as he circled the ring with perfectly practiced steps. Jaehyun could hear his heart beat erratically in his ears when Taeyong passed him, but Taeyong didn't even spare him a glance, too focused on what he had come to do. And maybe Jaehyun needed to take some tips from him — Taeyong may not have been fighting, but if he had half the confidence right now in which Taeyong possessed, he surely would have won already by that alone.</p><p>His eyes followed Taeyong all the way around and back out of the ring, glued to the way his lithe body moved with such attractive grace, before he felt eyes burning holes into his skin. He snapped his head towards the source. It was Jongin. He looked cocky before, disgustingly smug even, but now that look was replaced with something else that made the slick hairs on Jaehyun's skin rise. Jongin simply looked <em>murderous,</em> and the plastic bottle in his hand was crushed in his hold.</p><p>Jaehyun swallowed thickly and stood up from where he was seated. He couldn't take his eyes off Jongin even if he tried, somehow scared that the man would pounce if he so much as cast the crowd a glance. His eyes were still on the fury filled man when he stood up and made his way to the centre of the ring so the referee could set up the next and final round again. And it was worse up close — he could feel the aura surrounding Jongin, and it was dark, bitter, and <em>angry.</em> Jaehyun schooled his features as the referee spoke so that Jongin wouldn't think that he was getting to him as much as he really was.</p><p>Jaehyun was unaware of what he'd done to warrant such volatile anger because as soon as the referee stepped away and he, himself, took a millisecond to step back, Jongin hit him with the power of a thousand men — a punch meant to knock him out. And it did. It was enough for Jaehyun's body to come crashing down, his vision to fade to black, and the metallic taste of blood to coat his mouth. The last thing he saw before he was out completely was Jongin hovering above him, arms held back by the referee and teeth bared in a menacing <em>snarl.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>When Jaehyun came to, the world was spinning on his axis, or perhaps he was dramatising it — he always had a tendency to do that, according to Johnny, at least — but opening his eyes was dizzying enough, not to mention trying to sit up. It was a lost cause, and he was forced to bring himself back down as a head-splitting headache formed behind his eyes. His body felt like it was being dragged down by a mountain of bricks, and he could barely breathe.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck. Did he break his nose?</em>
</p><p>He reached a hand up to touch the area and almost cried out upon feeling its slight — <em>slight</em> — crookedness. His face, as egotistical as it was, was one of his most prized possessions. He had a lot riding on his looks, and the announcers often introduced him as some sort of golden boy, alongside his real name because he couldn't think of a stage one and Jeffery, which his mother had suggested, just sounded plain <em>awful.</em> Groaning, he shut his eyes and ran his thumb over his nose to feel if the bone had somehow shattered inside.</p><p>"Stop touching it, you're going to make it worse."</p><p>At once, his dizzy head turned away from facing the ceiling and to the door in which the voice had travelled from. Taeyong was walking in, Johnny trailing in behind him, and only when he saw the equipment in Taeyong's hands did he register that he was lying down in the medic room, stiff as a board. Taeyong, with a different sort of confidence than he wore in the ring, strode over to him and sat down at the edge of Jaehyun's bed, an unimpressed look plastered on his face. Johnny stood in the corner with his arms crossed, staring at Jaehyun blankly. But Jaehyun could make out the twitch in his lips when he narrowed his eyes — of course Johnny wanted to goddamn laugh.</p><p>
  <em>Of-fucking-course.</em>
</p><p>A warm hand to his cheek drove him out of his thoughts, and he hissed, turning his head away from where Taeyong was pressing down on his cheek with something cold and wet. Jaehyun got on his elbows and scrambled backwards to get away. The salve was cold, but Taeyong's touch burned. And he didn't want Taeyong to see him like this; with a busted lip, red nose, and a purple bruise blooming on his right cheek. But Taeyong wasn't putting up with it. With his free hand, he yanked Jaehyun down a little bit further using the flesh of his hand around Jaehyun's thighs and then pressed that same hand down to his chest to force him to lay down.</p><p>Jaehyun blinked at him, nerves growing in spindly threads as Taeyong spoke. "Can you cooperate, please? I'm trying to help you here because the medic had to leave early, and I..."</p><p>Taeyong trailed off with a frown, but then erased the look in his features until he looked blank and uninterested again. But there was a hint of concern earlier, and Jaehyun had managed to catch it before it could slip away. The thought of Taeyong, a man who he'd barely met, caring for him made a barrage of butterflies storm his gut.</p><p>"And you what?" Jaehyun asked, mouth dry and tasting like iron. Blood grew impossibly bitter the longer it stayed in your mouth, Jaehyun realised, and it must've been in his for far too long. "You what?" he insisted.</p><p>"And I want to take responsibility," Taeyong answered, letting out a breath. "Now hush," he added as if reading Jaehyun's mind and the plans to ask him responsibility for <em>what?</em></p><p>Jaehyun obeyed his command instinctually, hearing Johnny giggle like a child in the background. And he would've given out to him, but Taeyong pressing his fingers back to Jaehyun's cheek made the words dissipate on his tongue. The sting from his cheek was sharp, as if he was being slapped by Taeyong who was, in reality, nothing but gentle with him. Jaehyun closed his eyes, paying attention to the fluttering of his heart and the amount of dedicated attention he was being given.</p><p>He wanted more of it — he wanted to be the object of Taeyong's soft hands and dissecting eyes for as long as he was allowed. But Taeyong's hands were gone from his cheek too soon and the cool air was drying the salve Taeyong had applied. It was another long moment until he felt Taeyong's ministrations again. The man took a cotton bud to his busted lip to clean it, silent all the while, and Jaehyun could only pray that Taeyong, nor Johnny, couldn't hear the muscled organ in his chest ricocheting against its confines.</p><p>The cotton bud from his lip was gone, and he opened his eyes when Taeyong swept a hand through his hair to expose his forehead. Jaehyun's breath hitched when they locked eyes wordlessly. Taeyong was frowning, his lip drawn into a fine line, and the look in his eyes was unreadable. But it was as if he was trying to say something, perhaps warn him from something, but Jaehyun had never been good at reading between the lines — he could only get lost in them.</p><p>And then, Taeyong stood up, dusted himself off, nodded at Johnny, and left the room.</p><p>Jaehyun released a breath he wasn't aware he was holding when the door clicked shut to signify Taeyong's exit. <em>Fuck.</em> His heart was beating ridiculously fast, and he knew the reason — he'd be stupid and in denial not to. He placed a hand over his chest as Johnny walked over, smiling at him fully now that his slight pity for Jaehyun had disappeared. Jaehyun grimaced and Johnny laughed.</p><p>"You got your ass kicked out there."</p><p>"Yeah, no shit, Sherlock," Jaehyun muttered. He knew it already. He had physical reminders branded unto his body with a hot, iron fist, and it wasn't something he could forget for days to come. Not until his body was completely healed, at least. "That was so embarrassing," Jaehyun admitted, turning away from him to face the ceiling. His ears still burned red from when Taeyong was in the room, but less so now.</p><p>"I mean..." Johnny paused. "For a newbie, you lasted for a fucking long time, honestly. I think that's pretty impressive... It's only kinda funny because your face knocked out was— it was <em>priceless.</em>"</p><p>"Haha, very funny," Jaehyun said through gritted teeth as he used his aching limbs to pull himself up to sit. "I could have lasted longer, but something happened. I don't even know, man. Something switched." Jaehyun rolled his neck to get rid of the cricks and moaned lightly when he hit a certain spot. Jongin's hit may have done him some good after all. Johnny raised a brow. "After half time when I... after Taeyong—"</p><p>"After Taeyong came in the ring?" Johnny completed for him, tone shifting to something more serious.</p><p>Jaehyun opened his mouth to speak, but what was he to say? Johnny would simply think he'd lost like that because he'd lost focus before a match, but that wasn't it. So, he nodded as a confirmation to Johnny's words, and the man's look hardened. Something in Jaehyun's gut pulled at the strings of his being, making him uneasy, and there was bile threatening to rise up his throat.</p><p>"Jaehyun..." Johnny started, rubbing his temples. He paused to sigh and level him a serious look.</p><p>"Taeyong is Jongin's <em>ex</em>."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun hesitated, sitting in his car outside the company's gym. Things had gotten progressively worse over the days he'd been at home tending to his wounds. His face looked different now that the bruises had settled in and not in a good way. His mother had insisted on video calling him, and despite his own stubbornness, his mother had won, and then she shrieked when she saw him through the screen. He hadn't been inclined to show her because of those very same theatrics and because he didn't need another reason for her to push him out of his career into something mundane.</p><p>Nothing could ever compare to the thrill of boxing. <em>Nothing.</em></p><p>But it was shame preventing him from gathering the liquified courage in his bones to solidify and drag himself out of the car. For now, he felt spindly, loose, and overwhelmingly <em>embarrassed</em> at his knockout. He wasn't the only one who'd been knocked out by Jongin before, and even Johnny had reassured him that he had pulled his own weight, and yet, it was the deprecating thoughts swimming around in his head that still chose to hold him back.</p><p>Jaehyun watched as member after member went in for early morning training, fingers drumming against the wheel of his 2007 Chevrolet, antsy. Suddenly, he noticed an unmistakable figure approach the doors of the gym, and his breath hitched. It was Taeyong again, dressed in gym clothes nearly just as revealing as his ring uniform, and though Jaehyun considered himself a man of pride, he found himself opening the door to his car and walking towards Taeyong like a dog chasing after a bone.</p><p>But Taeyong, with his thin, slender legs, walked exceptionally fast, making Jaehyun miss him by mere seconds. Though, it was a blessing in disguise, Jaehyun figured, because as soon as he swung open the doors to the gym, he came face to face with the people inside. He saw Jongin before Jongin saw him, and the twisted feeling of his insides begged him to go back, somehow <em>afraid</em> of the man in front of him. But what happened in the ring stayed in the ring. It was an unspoken, biblical rule that was kept by all of them, so truly, Jaehyun had nothing to fear.</p><p>Adjusting his bag filled with gym equipment on his shoulder, Jaehyun averted his eyes away from Jongin who stood in one of the corners, swinging at a punching bag aggressively. His mind went back to Jongin's fists and how they felt — blow after blow like a thousand little needles were being pricked into his body by the sheer force of each hit. Jaehyun walked ahead, eyes trained forward as the muscle memory in his legs propelled him in the direction of the training area that he and Johnny shared.</p><p>Jaehyun tried not to spare another glance at the man, but it was impossible, it seemed, because it was as if there was some sort of magnetic force drawing his eyes around. He felt something burn holes in his head again, fiery and ferocious — Jongin's eyes. When they met, it was as if Jaehyun's body froze in place, transfixed in time. Jongin bared his teeth, lips curling upwards as and without breaking eye contact, he began to pummel the punching bag even harder than before. So hard, in fact, that the entirety of the gym stopped to turn when the bag <em>broke.</em></p><p>Only then did Jongin pull back, beads pooling around his feet and staring at Jaehyun. And though it may have been irrational, Jaehyun took it as some sort of warning. The look in Jongin's eyes was unmistakable — dark, powerful, <em>threatening.</em> It caused Jaehyun to turn on his heel and almost <em>flee.</em> By the time he reached Johnny, who had also stopped whatever he was doing to peer at whatever made the tearing noise of a bag faraway, Jaehyun's heart was rabbiting in his ears, erratic and loud, like it was splitting his eardrums.</p><p>"Hey," Johnny began, not quite looking at him. He paused and promptly shook his head. It wasn't in his nature to be nosy. Something like that could get you in trouble with the wrong in all sorts of places in such an industry, Jaehyun knew, and if you poked your nose into a rabbit's hole, you'd be bitten by a fox. "Just another day in the gym, huh."</p><p>"Yeah," Jaehyun said, a lump expanding in his throat until it was all he could feel. "Jongin." He provided the information he knew that Johnny's wouldn't necessarily ask but was curious about anyway.</p><p>Johnny didn't look surprised, as if something like that was an everyday occurrence, but he nodded at Jaehyun passively, wrapping tape around his hands. "Go warm up, Jae. Want you to spot me for a bit and then maybe we could go toe to toe as practice."</p><p>Jaehyun followed his instructions silently. He and Johnny had only begun training together mere months ago and that was only out of Johnny's act of kindness. He promised to show Jaehyun the ropes and the best techniques before he'd eventually be moved up and he and Jaehyun may not even be living in the same city then anymore. Boxing called for travel, and all the big name boxers no longer played with the little league ones, let alone practiced with them. It was another world, intangible almost, so far out of reach that it seemed imperceptible. But Jaehyun had made it this far, and he wouldn't stop until he had risen to Johnny's heights and more.</p><p>All the while he trained with Johnny, his mind was somewhere else — drifting, floating, daydreaming. And if Johnny had noticed, he didn't comment on it. There was still the remnants of something shaking him... something akin to <em>fear</em> scattered throughout his very being. Despite how hard he tried to focus and zero in on the hooks Johnny was throwing him, his mind kept flitting back to visions of Jongin. They seemed more like nightmares than visions, and they made his stomach lurch each and every time.</p><p>And it was almost as if Jaehyun had manifested what happened next. He felt it before he could sense it — a broad, familiar hand clamping down on his shoulder securely and yanking him out his thoughts. The scent of deep, musky cologne and sweat swirled around him and made his muscles lock. It was Jongin.</p><p>"Jaehyun, right?"</p><p>Jaehyun stared, mouth dry.</p><p>Jongin's lips curled into a smirk, smugness practically dripping from his features. "You got good game. It was nice to go up against you, yeah? We should go for another round some time, don't you think?" Jongin said, eyes locked on Jaehyun's, seemingly thriving off the mild aura of fear Jaehyun exuded with each passing second. And his questions were rhetoric because he didn't even stop for Jaehyun to answer, he simply turned to Johnny and gave him a passive nod before stalking off towards the showers.</p><p>"Jaehyun..." Johnny began as soon as Jongin left, casting the shower room a side eyed glance to ensure Jongin had fully disappeared. "Jaehyun? Jae?" Johnny said, trying to get his attention. "Fuck, bro. What the hell was that?"</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes blinked at Johnny who was staring at him incredulously, sweat dripping down his hair and foreheads in bullet-like pellets. He had been too focused on Jongin, and now that the man was gone, he felt like he could finally <em>breathe</em> — chest falling with one released, deep breath. They'd barely met, they had barely come in contact with each other, yet his automatic response was to tense. It was Jongin's fault, he reasoned. Something about that man seemed so... so <em>off.</em></p><p>Jaehyun shook his head to get himself out of whatever spell he'd been under. "I don't know, man."</p><p>Johnny narrowed his eyes and locked his jaw, the expression he did whenever he was thinking deeply. "I told you to stay away from Taeyong. Did you listen to me?"</p><p>"Yes!" Jaehyun said too quickly to seem like a man who was innocent.</p><p>But it was true. He hadn't approached Taeyong in the week that had passed, except for today, <em>almost.</em> Though, he was guilty in thought because he couldn't get Taeyong out of his damn mind. Every time he opened his eyes in the morning, he was thrust back in time to when he was laying on the medical examination table with Taeyong looming over him, blonde hair framing his face prettily, doe eyes slitted in concentration, and soft hands caressing his face almost lovingly. Jaehyun was beginning to believe he was severely deluded, and the worst thing was, he <em>entertained</em> those delusions.</p><p>"I need you to get a grip, okay?" Johnny told him. "Now, pack up and head home early. You're clearly not in the best headspace for this."</p><p>Jaehyun had the mind to protest — it was instinctual — but the words died like fallen soldiers on his tongue. Johnny was right — he was out of it and he had been since he stepped into the gym from the very beginning at set eyes on Jongin, Kai, or whatever his name was. And frankly, his performance was downright embarrassing. He'd come back towards closing time when the gym was less full and he had enough room to think and not be.. self conscious. He hadn't felt such an emotion in a long, long time.</p><p>"You're right," Jaehyun acquiesced. "I'll... I'll go for now. I'll be back later."</p><p>Johnny nodded. "You're better off."</p><p>And so, Jaehyun packed up his bags, something heavy weighing him down. It was like a bag of coal was sitting in the pits of his stomach and causing every movement he made to drag sluggishly. He could feel the heat of Johnny's stare on him as he gathered his things, and although it was meant to feel more worrying than condescending, he still felt some odd, unpleasant wave of shame wash over his lightly. He opted not to meet Johnny's eyes head on when he straightened up, gym bag on his shoulders, and then he bid him a mirthless goodbye.</p><p>Nobody watched him leave as he exited the gym building, and he was thankful that he wasn't one to attract attention. But it wasn't a good thing, he supposed, it partially meant that nobody knew him, and he was trying to make a name for himself — one that he could be proud of. But he'd probably go down as knockout guy or something, Jaehyun thought sullenly — the dude whose perfect face had been imperfected by Jongin's fist. It'd be more of a testimony in Jongin's books than his.</p><p>Too busy stuck in his own spiralling thoughts, he didn't notice anybody in front of him until he stumbled back a bit from the collision's impact. Jaehyun shook his head and looked up, blinking rapidly when he was met face to face with Taeyong with a protein shake dripping down his front. Jaehyun's eyes flickered between Taeyong's face and the shirt that clung to his body, mildly sticky and wet, and then back up to his face and stayed there. He could feel his ears flame, and he didn't need a mirror to know just how flustered he probably looked.</p><p>Taeyong put a hand up before Jaehyun could even think to <em>speak.</em> "It's fine," he said stiffly, "don't worry about it."</p><p>"I-I'm sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. I'm so sorry."</p><p>Taeyong shut his eyes and let out a deep breath as if visibly contemplating whether to seriously drop it or perhaps give Jaehyun a serious telling off. Maybe even pound his face in. Jaehyun didn't peg him for the type, but he wouldn't stop Taeyong if he tried, though. And he felt different now that he'd bumped into Taeyong — lighter, like the bag in his stomach had dissolved into a warm liquid and then metamorphosed into butterflies, fluttering around his stomach incessantly. A blush creeped in on his cheeks, and he cleared his throat, a sudden idea striking him in his moment of weakness.</p><p>"Uhm... well, would you like to get coffee instead? To make up for your drink? My car's just over there." Jaehyun offered, smiling sheepishly.</p><p>Taeyong raised a single brow. "Are you asking me out on a date?"</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes widened, surprised that Taeyong had caught on to his indirectness so quickly. Maybe Taeyong was used to it — people like Jaehyun asking him out on a daily basis. To him, Jaehyun would simply be another notch under his belt, but that didn't mean Jaehyun couldn't <em>try.</em></p><p>"Yes?" Jaehyun said smally. Taeyong stared at him blankly. "That sounded like a question, didn't it? I mean, yes. Yes, I am asking you out on a date if you'd be up for it."</p><p>Taeyong simply looked at him. Looked <em>in him,</em> like his eyes were boring into Jaehyun's core — his very <em>soul</em> — and picking him apart from the very inside. It was like he was sizing Jaehyun up in an odd way, something he'd only experience in the ring, or perhaps he was simply weighing his options and trying to figure out Jaehyun's intentions, no matter how innocent and genuine they seemed. Jaehyun had been dissected before, he'd been under scrutiny so many times in his life that he often just brushed it off, but it was different now. He cared about the result. He cared about what Taeyong thought of him.</p><p>And then, Taeyong finally spoke.</p><p>"You can't handle me, Jaehyun, trust me."</p><p>Without letting Jaehyun get in another word, he wormed his way past him and entered the gym, leaving Jaehyun outside in the cold. And maybe Jaehyun should've been offended at that moment for Taeyong's insinuation, or maybe he should've ran after Taeyong and insisted on a proper date with candles, dinner and all, to hell with whatever Johnny may have warned him against, but the only thing he could focus on was the way Taeyong had said his name. He swallowed dryly, watching Taeyong walk away from him, hips swaying slightly.</p><p>He knew then and there that he was a gone man.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>The pain of the rejection hurt more than it should've, and every time he saw Taeyong around at the gym or at <strong>THUNDER</strong>, he felt something slice through him at the remembrance of Taeyong's words. It was insulting and a bruise to his ego for Taeyong to outright say — not even <em>insinuate</em> — that Jaehyun couldn't handle him, but above that, it was upsetting. A piece of his heart chipped at the edges whenever Taeyong would clearly meet eyes with him in passing then divert them a second later, face stoic and passive. It was dramatic, he knew, but his crush on Taeyong was deeply anchored into him.</p><p>He figured that was what it was, at least. A <em>crush.</em> That would be the only explanation for the he couldn't take his eyes off Taeyong no matter what he did, even with the looming threat of Jongin always hovering around him and Johnny's verbal <em>and</em> physical reprimands. He had nearly knocked Jaehyun out because of his wandering eyes during several of their training sessions. Jaehyun tried to be on his A game, especially whenever Taeyong was working the ring in his matches, but that first match had cursed him, and now he was in the midst of the worst streak of his not even fully fledged career.</p><p>It wasn't as if he'd lost all his matches so far, <em>no,</em> but out of five, he'd drawn twice, lost twice, and won <em>once.</em> He'd never had such appalling stats in his life, and honestly, more than anything, he was humiliated. He felt as if he couldn't look Taeyong in the eye, and every time he wanted to approach him he just.. he just <em>couldn't.</em> He scolded himself for all his missed opportunities two months later as both he and Johnny sat at the bar of the club they were in.</p><p>The colour of his drink changed along with the flashing lights, and the raging music pounded in his head, notes reverberating around the cracks of his skull. The people and music were loud, and yet, the sound of Jaehyun's thoughts overtook them. He hated feeling downright pathetic, but everything had been building up, accumulating slowly until it hit him and toppled him over so hard, so strong, and so rushed that when he fell, this time it was as if he couldn't get back up.</p><p>Suddenly, his drink was snatched from his hand. "Enough. You can't drink yourself into stupor like a fucking dumbass. I hate wallowing, you know it."</p><p>"Say that when you do as poorly as I did," Jaehyun muttered under his breath sullenly, but Johnny had caught it. And he couldn't refute. Even Johnny knew that he'd never do as bad as Jaehyun had been doing recently.</p><p>Johnny sighed. "C'mon, enough of this. Look," he said, the tone in his voice commanding Jaehyun to finally swivel around slowly to face him. The look in Johnny's eyes sent a shiver down his spine. It was intimidating when he looked like that, scary even, but overall, it showed just how serious he was. "I'll let you pity yourself for today. <em>Just</em> today, then we're hopping back on the train. You'll forget all your fights, your wins, your losses, Taeyong—"</p><p>Jaehyun's breath caught in his throat sharply, a lump of steel solidifying and making it hard to breathe.</p><p>"You'll forget it all and start again. Clean slate, fresh page, all that jazz. Okay? Now go out there and enjoy yourself. Get laid or something, you horny fuck, and I promise you'll feel better. Got it, big boy?"</p><p>"I told you to stop calling me that," Jaehyun said, rolling his eyes, though he couldn't hide his red ears even in the dim, flashing lights. Did he honestly just look like a man who needed to get laid. <em>God,</em> it was even worse than he imagined.</p><p>Johnny nodded at him, and Jaehyun put on his brave face as he placed a firm hand down on the bar counter and stood up, though his braveness quickly crumpled when the dizzying blood rush overtook him from sitting up so goddamn fast. He shrugged his shoulders and shook the feeling of exhaustion, tiredness, and overall bleakness from his mind and bones. Following Johnny's advice, he stepped out unto the dance floor, looking for someone to dance with. He wasn't the best dancer in the world, but he knew where to move and just exactly <em>how</em> to move it if he ego-boosting ex partners were anything to go by.</p><p>Jaehyun's face had healed tremendously in that two months that had flown by, and there was just a small plaster over the bridge of his nose left now and even with that, his looks still worked for him. All he had to do was flash his signature smile, and he had someone to dance with, putty in the palm of his hands. The nameless man in front of him swayed, arms snaked around Jaehyun's neck and front pressed against his. Jaehyun smiled, meeting his eyes before allowing the stranger to lean into the crook of his neck and dot soft kisses on his flushed skin.</p><p>A tingle travelled down through him, but it wasn't exactly pleasant. His stomach lurched, now feeling a little sick. He could have blamed it on the alcohol, on the many drinks he had downed one after the other, but that would have been a damning lie, even to his own ears. The truth was that it felt <em>wrong.</em> His hands on whoever it was felt wrong, and their lips tracing his exposed his collarbone brought about a more insistent feeling of dread than it did pleasure all because it wasn't the right person in his eyes.</p><p>He could close his eyes and pretend that it was Taeyong, he knew, he could've even accidentally moaned the wrong name later during sex, but that would have been too unfair, even to a stranger who he truly owned nothing to. Jaehyun pulled them away from him, keeping them at arm's length. The stranger frowned. And he was pretty, Jaehyun thought, with kitten-like features, upturned lips and with eyes that were soft and round, unlike the harsh, cut edges of Taeyong. His mouth felt dry as he spoke.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Jaehyun apologised. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't—"</p><p>"I get it," the stranger interrupted him. He then removed his hands from around Jaehyun's neck to place them on Jaehyun's hands and pull Jaehyun away. "You seemed out of it, anyway. And nobody wants a lay who can't even concentrate on where he's hittin' it, y'know?" The man paused as Jaehyun wore an expression in between a grimace and an apologetic smile. "You were cute, though," he said, "my name's Ten. If you ever get out of your... <em>funk,</em> then come find me."</p><p>Jaehyun nodded, having no real intention to do so for now. Or forever. For as long as Taeyong was on his mind. And the stranger — <em>Ten</em> — then smiled at him, cat-like, before wandering off to sink his perfectly whitened teeth and razor sharp claws into his next unsuspecting prey. Jaehyun released a breath as he watched Ten walk away and disappear. He turned to make his back to the bar and inform Johnny of his wildly unsuccessful mission when he bumped into someone.</p><p>And Jaehyun knew it then — it could only be fate.</p><p>The first time they met was destiny in his flustered, addled mind, the second time he'd bumped into him had been an unlucky stroke in his already terrible streak of mishaps, but this third time could not be a simple coincidence. If there was anything Jaehyun's overly superstitious mother had taught him, it was that the third time really was a charm. And this third time would go his way. He'd make sure of that.</p><p>"You again, Jung?" Taeyong said, vague amusement laced in his tone.</p><p>"Yeah," Jaehyun said confidently. "Me again."</p><p>And for once, Taeyong looked taken aback, if only slightly — if the quirk of his eyebrows and twitch in his lips was anything to go by. "I'm surprised to see you here."</p><p>"We all need to let loose sometimes, Tae," Jaehyun said casually, hands stuffed into his pockets and eyes drinking in Taeyong's form greedily.</p><p>Somehow, Taeyong managed to look prettier under the glowing lights, with glitter on his eyes again, a soft sheen on his lips, and a sheer top. In truth, Jaehyun's heart was hammering against his ribs, causing cracks in the bone by simply looking at Taeyong in front of him and by taking the risk of calling him <em>Tae.</em> It was too informal — too informal for them, at least, but Taeyong didn't even bat eye at the name. So Jaehyun decided in the split second he was given. Now that the chance had presented itself, he wouldn't allow it to slip between his fingers. Go big or go home.</p><p>"Do you want to dance?" Jaehyun asked, eyes flitting back to Taeyong's face cooly, passive despite his inner turmoil and braving himself for the worst.</p><p>"I was actually going to ask," Taeyong said, and only then did Jaehyun notice how much Taeyong was actually looking at him... <em>appreciatively.</em> How Taeyong appeared to actually be <em>hitting on him,</em> if his body language was to go by.</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes darkened as Taeyong approached, taking the lead by stepping in front of him and splaying his palm against Jaehyun's broad chest and meeting his eyes. Jaehyun was about to get lost in them, drunk in their liquored daze, until Taeyong spun suddenly and began to dance on him, ass on Jaehyun's crotch.</p><p>Jaehyun took in a sharp breath, unsure of what to do as Taeyong's hip began to move sensually against him. Taeyong, unhappy with Jaehyun's lack of enthusiasm, took initiative by placing Jaehyun's hands on his lithe waist instead. Jaehyun snapped out of whatever trance he'd been in, now moving slowly against Taeyong before he picked up the pace and grinded his front against Taeyong's ass. Taeyong seemed skilled, far too skilled, like he had done this before, and Jaehyun let out something akin to a growl, a sudden feeling of possessiveness surging through him.</p><p>It only riled Taeyong up further, though, moves growing slower, more painful, intense in a way that made Jaehyun ache with want from the head of his cock to the tingled neurons in his brain. Taeyong spun around suddenly, drawing forward until he was pressed right against Jaehyun's chest, and his hand slithered down to Jaehyun's cock, tracing the outline of it on his jeans with the tips of his fingers. The sound of the music had been drowned out by Jaehyun's heavy breathing and growing desire with Taeyong looking up at him through lidded, lust filled eyes. Jaehyun's hands tightened around Taeyong's waist as Taeyong moved inched closer until they were practically sharing the same breath.</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes flickered down to his lips and back up to his eyes, but Taeyong had caught it. It was exactly what Taeyong had been waiting for.</p><p>"Kiss me, big boy."</p><p>Jaehyun needed no more permission than that as he surged forward until their lips met in an almost bruising kiss. Jaehyun pulled him impossibly close, and Taeyong cradled his cheeks as they kissed, the air between them crackling with electricity and want and the sparks flying making him buzz from his head to his toes. Jaehyun didn't know where Taeyong's sudden change in attitude had come from, nor did he <em>care</em> because after so long, he had Taeyong in his arms. Taeyong tried to take control at first, nipping Jaehyun's lips with his teeth, but when Jaehyun's chest rumbled with a low, husky growl, it was as if Taeyong liquified in his very hands.</p><p>Jaehyun explored Taeyong's warm cavern, taking away his breath for a mere taste of him. He tasted oddly sweet — something delicious and addicting, something Jaehyun knew he'd crave forever after what moment they were suspended in was over. Taeyong was the one to break their perfectly crafted bubble first, pulling back with glazed eyes and spit-slicked, swollen, cherry lips. Jaehyun chased the kiss, but Taeyong's hand to his chest was firm, denying him more. Jaehyun's eyes darkened as Taeyong licked over his lips before speaking.</p><p>"Let's get out of here," he told him. His hand travelled down to Jaehyun's crotch where it squeezed lightly, and he leaned in closer until his lips grazed Jaehyun's ear, sending a tingle of warmth down his spine. The tension between them sizzled tangibly in the air, bodies practically on fire from the way they held each other close, as if they were the both the oxygen needed to fan the flames.</p><p>"Now."</p><p>Taeyong drew back, lips curling upwards. Jaehyun cast a glance at Johnny, but he was hidden through the crowd. Johnny had told him to do this, but he didn't say who with, and it didn't matter anymore, no man — not Johnny, not Jongin, not whoever else — could hold him back. Jaehyun went in for one last kiss, chest swelling so rapidly as he drank in Taeyong's air that it was on the verge of bursting. And then he pulled back, meeting his eyes. Taeyong nodded and Jaehyun's lips curled into a smile. That was all the confirmation he would ever need.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun's room was blanketed in darkness when they tumbled in, skin to skin, mouth to mouth, asphyxiated. Taeyong's legs were wrapped around his torso and his arms were wound around his neck, keeping himself up as they kissed — tongues dancing and licking into each other's mouths. Jaehyun carried him with steady, strong arms before suddenly letting go and thrusting him on the bed, mattress creaking beneath him. Jaehyun planted his arms down firmly by Taeyong's sides, devouring him with greedy eyes.</p><p>He still couldn't believe it — that Taeyong was here, splayed half naked in front of him with beautiful, milky skin on display so readily that he could feast like a King. He was about to get lost in pure wonder and lust driven admiration, and he wanted nothing more than to worship Taeyong — to take his body so hard and so fast that the only thing that would ever come out of Taeyong's pretty, gleaming lips would be his name. Tonight. Tomorrow. <em>Forever.</em></p><p>"Eyes on me," Taeyong told him breathlessly to draw him back to attention. He then spread his legs. "Come on."</p><p>Jaehyun pulled back, and with one swift movement, he yanked everything off Taeyong's lower half, leaving him naked and exposed. He then pulled off his own clothes — shirt first, and grinning when he noticed Taeyong's reaction. God, if Taeyong kept looking at him like that he'd grow an ego far too large for his shoulders. But the damage had been done, and when he was fully undressed, he crawled forward and leaned down, licking a wet stripe up Taeyong's abdomen, stopping at his nipples where he grazed his teeth on them and rolled his tongue around the nubs, arms keeping Taeyong down as he jolted underneath him.</p><p>"Fuck me," Taeyong said, hips bucking upwards.</p><p>Jaehyun pulled back, a wicked glint in his eyes, body widening as the moonlight flitted in — like a predator devouring his prey. "I thought you'd never ask."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>By the time it reached midnight, Jaehyun had collapsed, Taeyong in his arms. And he could've gone on, could've proven to Taeyong that he could <em>handle him,</em> but Taeyong was wrung, spent, and his last orgasm had been dry, so Jaehyun had chosen to respect his wishes when they finished for the last time. He could still feel blood spurring in his veins from the high. Taeyong had come down too and was now in Jaehyun's arms, eyes shut, but he wasn't asleep, Jaehyun knew, because he could still hear his forced, uneven puffs of breath.</p><p>Without warning, Taeyong rolled over and sat up, causing Jaehyun's eyes to widen in alarm. But Taeyong wasn't looking at him — it was like he had been struck with an epiphany or came to the abrupt realisation that he was in <em>Jaehyun's</em> bed. Jaehyun who he had been ignoring up until hours ago when the world had suddenly tilted on its axis and made him lose his goddamn mind. Jaehyun was unsure of what to say — even he knew it was odd for Taeyong to stay like this. He hadn't had many one night stands, but him or his partner had always disappeared whenever the lusty haze clouding their judgement had cleared and left them with more clarity than they began with.</p><p>If it ever happened in Jaehyun's apartment, he'd go to the toilet, wait it out a couple minutes, and slowly but surely he'd hear the scuffle of shoes, the tousle of clothes, and the soft click of the door as they exited. But Jaehyun hadn't done that this time. Neither of them had. It had been hours, but they were still together, cleaned up from their sticky, drying cum mess. <em>Taeyong hadn't left.</em></p><p>"Why haven't you kicked me out?" Taeyong asked, turning to face him suddenly. Jaehyun was lost for words. Instead he found himself searching Taeyong's features for what had been there earlier — <em>want.</em> Something that showed him his feelings were reciprocal. And he thought Taeyong looked beautiful like this — raw, disheveled, but so, so <em>beautiful.</em></p><p>"Well?" Taeyong prompted.</p><p>"Why should I?" Jaehyun answered him after a pregnant silence in which Taeyong had stared him down <em>hard. </em>Taeyong's features softened slightly upon his words, and Jaehyun swallowed before continuing slowly, trying to lure Taeyong back into his arms. He didn't just want sex from him. That wasn't it. "You can.. you can stay, y'know? And sleep with me here if you'd like."</p><p>Taeyong raised a brow, but it seemed more wary than suspicious, as if he was, once again, struggling to figure out Jaehyun's true intentions. But Jaehyun was a simple man and the only thing he wanted was right in front of him. He fleetingly wondered why Taeyong was so reserved, so guarded, why he second guessed everyone and everything, as if men like Jaehyun couldn't have any good intentions. Jaehyun rubbed his burning ears and smiled up at him again sheepishly.</p><p>"I mean, I want you here.. I want you to stay."</p><p>And Jaehyun thought that Taeyong's answer would be a flat out no, that maybe being so subtly brazen would have Taeyong heading for the door without sparing him a second glance, so he found himself surprised when Taeyong shuffled back over to him... <em>timid,</em> almost, and lay back down, head on Jaehyun's outstretched arm like he'd been previously. Jaehyun had to bite down on his bottom lip with his teeth, nearly drawing blood, to prevent himself from letting out a cry of joy. He lifted his other free arm and tentatively draped it over Taeyong's waist.</p><p>Taeyong rolled over, so that he was at Jaehyun's bare chest, and peered up at Jaehyun with saucer-like eyes. Jaehyun thought he looked innocent, cute even, and was overcome with the sudden urge to kiss him — so he did. A peck on his nose, and then when Taeyong made to speak, one on his mouth, too. He was grinning like a fool when he pulled back, he knew, but he couldn't pluck out care in the whirlwind of emotions he was feeling.</p><p>"You're so different," Taeyong said blankly, still staring at Jaehyun sort of like he'd grown another head. Jaehyun's smile dropped a bit, but Taeyong was quick to rectify. "Not in a bad way,” he said nonchalantly. "You're just really cute. Like a lot cuter than you look. Or a lot cuter than guys like you look, anyway."</p><p>Jaehyun could feel warmth in his chest bloom, spreading from the seed at his core to his cheeks. "Thank you." He paused. "What do you mean guys like me?"</p><p>Taeyong blinked at him. "You know."</p><p>"I don't know." Jaehyun frowned. When Taeyong chose silence over a reply, it clicked for Jaehyun what he was referring to — or <em>who</em> he was referring to. "Like Jongin?"</p><p>He felt Taeyong physically stiffen in his arms at the mention of the name, and the inkling in his gut was confirmed by the action. It was Jongin who had given Taeyong the impression he had. It was Jongin that had made Taeyong wary and guarded. It was Jongin's fault that Taeyong was thinking twice before giving into Jaehyun now at all. <em>Jongin.</em> And something coiled in Jaehyun's gut, vicious and sharp at the thought of it. He didn't know what Jongin had done, how he'd left Taeyong to be this way, but he didn't want to think of him as guys like Jongin. He wanted to be Jaehyun to him instead. Just Jaehyun. Jung Jaehyun.</p><p>Taeyong relaxed as Jaehyun's hands went to his back, caressing his skin in a soothing manner. He breathed out and closed his eyes. "I know you're not like him."</p><p>"I'm not," Jaehyun affirmed, having half the mind to lay his heart out for Taeyong to see and confess.</p><p>"It's just.. I'm used to him. Guys like him. Y'know what I mean? But I know you're different," Taeyong said, his quietness out of character. He reached a hand up to cup Jaehyun's cheek, thumb stroking it softly. Jaehyun searched his eyes, breath withheld and bottled up in the four corners of his chest. "You're really sweet. And don't think I don't know who's been leaving me those flowers and chocolates in my locker. I know it was you, Jae."</p><p>Jaehyun turned away, but Taeyong redirected his attention back with his hand. Swiftly, Taeyong was overcome with a different emotion, if the serious look on his face was anything to go by.</p><p>"I don't know you that well, but I know how you behave. I never stayed in Jongin's bed when the sex was over, Jaehyun. He liked his personal space. Over a span of <em>two years</em>... I don't think he ever looked at me like how you do when you think I'm not watching." Jaehyun's chest panged with an unfamiliar emotion. "He was sweet at first, but I don't think it was the same. Not like you are to me when I barely even know you."</p><p>"Then get to know me," Jaehyun blurted. Taeyong wasn't at all taken aback by his words — he had been expecting Jaehyun's proposition from the very beginning. "I want to get to know you. And take you out on dates. And buy you flowers, and chocolates, and—" Jaehyun broke his ramble by shutting his mouth and eyes harshly. He exhaled, chest falling, and opened his eyes.</p><p>"I like you."</p><p>"I know," Taeyong replied without missing a beat. "I've known for awhile. You're not exactly subtle... like, <em>at all.</em> It's cute." Taeyong stopped to chuckle. Jaehyun felt himself tingle at the sound of Taeyong's laugh, half wishing for it to never end — for the <em>entire moment</em> to never end. When Taeyong's laughter died, they were silent for a few minutes, only the sound of both of their heartbeats racing in sync. Taeyong must've realised he hadn't answered him. "I want to give you a chance."</p><p>Jaehyun felt so light he could burst.</p><p>Taeyong's hand held the of the flesh of his cheek turned, firm. <em>"One chance."</em></p><p>One chance. Jaehyun knew what that meant. He understood it. And he'd take it, he'd use it, and he'd never let it go. It was a miracle in and of itself that Taeyong was in his arms, chest to chest, with him. If one chance was all he would be given, then he'd make sure that one chance lasted a lifetime.</p><p>"Okay," Jaehyun said, nodding, a look of determination in his eyes.</p><p>Taeyong pinched his cheeks and turned over to face the ceiling. Jaehyun moved in closer, nuzzling into the crook of Taeyong's neck.</p><p>"You're so cute. I think you'd make a pretty good boyfriend."</p><p>Jaehyun stilled. It wasn't what he was expecting — he was expecting little to nothing at all, having to dig his way into the trenches and climb his way up the ranks to carve a place in Taeyong's heart, but he'd been served every wish on a golden platter. His arms tightened around Taeyong whilst he pulled his head back to speak. "Then I think we should establish some ground rules." Jaehyun grinned. "No calling me big boy during sex. Just, no more calling me big boy <em>at all.</em>"</p><p>Taeyong turned to face him, curious. "What? Why?"</p><p>Jaehyun hid himself in Taeyong's neck again, not quite finding the confidence to say the words aloud. His voice was muffled into warm skin. "... 'Cause Johnny calls me that."</p><p>And then Taeyong laughed, and laughed, and <em>laughed.</em> Jaehyun wished to pause time forever.</p><p>"Dork."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Dating Taeyong wasn't something Jaehyun could have ever prepared himself for. And he'd dreamt about it more than he'd wanted to admit to Johnny or even to himself. He'd fantasised about it a million times — different dates, different settings, different situations — but none of them could come close. Firstly, Taeyong had insisted that they kept it a secret, for awhile atleast, and secondly because Taeyong was everything he could've imagined and <em>so much more.</em> He was vivacious, he was voracious, and he was a downright <em>vixen.</em></p><p>Jaehyun was antsy in the waiting room with Johnny, the anticipation to see Taeyong again simmering and broiling underneath his bones. Tonight was Johnny's fight night, and although Jaehyun had no matches to attend or even prepare himself for, he was still by Johnny's side like the good, loyal, best buddy he was. Johnny was going up against Yuta, and both fighters had already made names for themselves, so Johnny's win wasn't exactly guaranteed. Not this time around, at least.</p><p>And Johnny seemed to know it too, jaws locked and shoulders rolling back repeatedly to get himself ready mentally as well as physically. Not to mention the fact that Doyoung would be in Taeyong's position during half time in the ring, and Johnny wanted to make a good impression. Jaehyun knew the embarrassment of being knocked out like that in front of someone you so desperately wanted to impress first hand. If Jaehyun thought Taeyong was stubborn, Doyoung was even more so, and Johnny had been pining well before Jaehyun had met him.</p><p>Both Doyoung and Taeyong were two sides of the same coin. He'd only gotten lucky that Taeyong had been so <em>lenient.</em></p><p>Usually, Jaehyun would be giving Johnny the pep talk of the century, but his mind was elsewhere, wanting to run off to where Taeyong had asked to meet as soon as Johnny stepped out into the limelight. He wasn't as helpful when his brain was plagued with the certain disease that went by the name of Taeyong, but that didn't mean he couldn't <em>try.</em></p><p>"You'll be good, man. Don't worry about it, seriously," Jaehyun told him, patting his back comfortably.</p><p>"Yeah, Jaehyun, and go tell a homeless man to just go buy a house," Johnny snapped. Jaehyun reeled, removing his hand and taking a step back, the sharpness of Johnny's words having given him whiplash. Johnny sighed, visibly relaxing. "I'm sorry. I know you're just trying to help no matter how... unhelpful. It's fine, seriously. I'll do good. I'll do good." Johnny reaffirmed the last part more so to himself than anyone in the room.</p><p>Jaehyun smiled. "Knock 'em out."</p><p>When it was time for Johnny to go out for his weighing and into the ring, Jaehyun once again gave him a clap on the back as Yuta slipped out first in front of them. It was Johnny's turn a second later, but before he left Jaehyun to his own devices, he spoke up. "Jaehyun," Johnny said suddenly before he could fully get away. Johnny narrowed his eyes, like he was seeing through Jaehyun — like he knew what Jaehyun had <em>done.</em> "Don't do anything you'll regret."</p><p>Jaehyun simply grinned, flashing pearly white teeth and sporting innocent dimples. It didn't matter if Johnny saw through him, the deed had been done.</p><p>As soon as Johnny was gone, however, Jaehyun wasted no time before legging it to his awaited destination, bumping into one the fighters on his way out. He didn't spare whoever it was a glance, practically sprinting to the hallway and storage closet Taeyong had asked to meet. It was dangerous meeting out in the open like this, and Jaehyun had even been surprised when Taeyong had suggested it, content to keep their relationship away from prying eyes, but on nights where there was matches run back to back, the halls were empty because everyone gathered in the waiting rooms and the crowd, and energy filled <strong>THUNDER</strong>, spilling from the inside out.</p><p>Taeyong wasn't there when Jaehyun arrived, though, and for a moment, he'd thought he'd gotten lost despite having the building's layout burned into the back of his mind. But without warning, the door to the storage room swung open and Jaehyun was yanked in before he could even blink. His heart shot up against its cage as he was pulled back and pinned to the wall, but once he felt the familiar bony outline of a hand against his abdomen and blinked uselessly to focus his eyes in the dark, he calmed.</p><p>The adrenaline from his brief fight or flight moment was replaced with excitement as Taeyong's pretty fingertips ran down his muscled thighs, and he got down on his knees so that only his blonde head of hair was the only thing Jaehyun could view in their cramped space. Blood rushed to his cock and his bones ached with want, but Jaehyun caught him by the arm and pulled Taeyong back up just as quickly and as suddenly as Taeyong had grabbed him and brought him into the room. It was hard to make out Taeyong's features in the dim light, but the dart of his tongue over his lips didn't go unnoticed by Jaehyun.</p><p>They stayed in a thick, tense-filled silence for a moment, having so much to say but saying nothing at all. It was clear what Taeyong had brought him in for, and it wasn't even necessarily out of character, but Jaehyun wanted to take it slow. Sometimes he felt as if Taeyong was rushing him — rushing their entire relationship, as if there was a deadline or a due date for its expiration, like they were running out of time. He couldn't figure out what it stemmed from, but he was determined to make it last.</p><p>"Kiss me," Jaehyun said softly, tipping Taeyong's chin upwards with his fingers so that they could meet eyes.</p><p>Taeyong's eyes looked... <em>glossy</em> almost, but before he could question it, Taeyong wrapped his arms around his neck and kissed him fiercely. Jaehyun's back was flat on the wall as the air was knocked out of him by the sheer force and unparalleled intensity of Taeyong's lips on his. Running on primal instinct, his hands travelled down to Taeyong's hips, pulling him closer until they were groin to groin, chest to chest. Jaehyun tilted his head to deepen the kiss, suffocated by Taeyong and Taeyong alone — his body, his scent, his lips, and everything else that made him up, inside and out.</p><p>Taeyong withdrew first, breathless and biting his lips. Jaehyun wanted to keep going, but Taeyong seemed off, and something in his spirit was unsettled by the fact. "What's wrong, baby?"</p><p>Taeyong searched his eyes quietly. "I... I—"</p><p>A knock on the door cut his speech short, and it took half a second before Jaehyun gathered his wits, eyes widening. Before he could tell Taeyong to hide somewhere in the cramped room, behind the racks of red gloves, maybe, or medical equipment, Taeyong put a finger to his lips, and Jaehyun swallowed down his dying words. Without making a sound, Taeyong departed from him and went to hide on his own, somewhere so obscure and in the shadows that when Jaehyun glanced back at him before going to the door, Taeyong appeared to be nothing but a figment of his imagination.</p><p>Jaehyun gripped the door handle, but it swung open roughly on the other side, making him let go abruptly. It was Jongin, and something in Jaehyun told him that he should've seen it coming all along. Had Jongin been the one he bumped into earlier? Did he follow them here? Had been staking out, waiting to catch them in the act? But if so, why would he knock? If there was anything Jaehyun knew for certain it was that Jongin was an immoral man — he didn't knock, common courtesy wasn't his thing, nor was the way he was smiling at Jaehyun now with something akin to <em>niceness.</em></p><p>Jaehyun's mind was running wild with a million and one possibilities, but Jongin managed to break every one of them — demolish them into nothing but rubble in his hands.</p><p>"You again?" Jongin cocked his head, smile warm but eyes depraved. Jaehyun was rooted in place. "I need gloves, you gonna move? This place ain't big enough for the both of us."</p><p>It took a second for the words so enter him and bounce around the cracks of his skull before he registered it. Jaehyun shook his head. "Sorry, my bad."</p><p>Without thinking twice, he sidestepped and left the closet in which Jongin then stepped in and shut it. He shot Jaehyun another glance before he did so — something indecipherable, but the glint in his eyes and the upward twitch of his lips bordered vicious. Jaehyun's chest constricted painfully and his eyes went wide once he realised that he had actually let Jongin into the room. The room in which Taeyong was currently hiding, as quiet as a mouse. His hand shot forward to the door handle, but he could do nothing but tighten around it until his knuckles turned a ghastly white.</p><p>Taeyong had wanted to keep it under wraps, and barging in there would only confirm what Jongin suspected — <em>if</em> Jongin suspected anything at all.</p><p>Jaehyun let go of the handle and curled his hands into fists. He was rendered useless. And he could hear nothing on the other side — not even shuffling or low breath. Maybe that was why Taeyong had picked it out. It was practically soundproof. His stomach turned sickeningly at the thought of them in there together. Taeyong was Jongin's ex.</p><p>
  <em>Fuck.</em>
</p><p>For his own sanity, he decided to step far away from the door and wait for Taeyong down the hall because if he waited outside the door, there was no doubt in his mind that Jongin would question him. And he had always been a terrible liar — his mother had told him that, Johnny too, even Taeyong, so there was no worming his way out of it with perfectly woven words. The seconds passed into minutes, and those minutes felt like hours, slowed down so that the tick of the clock passed by at an excruciatingly interminable pace.</p><p>He hadn't noticed just how much he'd tensed until the door to the room unbolted and out stepped Jongin, face unreadable. The knots in his muscles unwound, and he released a held back breath and stood up straight from where he'd been hunched over in waiting. He was about to grab Taeyong, take him out of there, and pull him into his arms, but his footsteps ceased when Taeyong came out first.</p><p>And he'd seen Jaehyun from the corner of his eye — <em>he'd seen him</em> — he knew, but Taeyong had turned and walked away in the opposite direction. The direction back to the waiting rooms. The direction back to the stage. The direction back to Jongin.</p><p>Something dropped in and festered in Jaehyun's stomach. Something dark, something gut wrenching, something akin to <em>dread.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun's phone rang as he called, dial after dial. It rang and rang for the only number he'd been trying to reach. It rang until the sound of ringing drove him mad. But it'd only be another to add to the list of Taeyong's missed calls.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun had been through a break up once. He was seventeen at the time, on the brink of graduating high school if he could manage to pull himself together and not flunk his grades. He remembered his boyfriend at the time had broken up with him because he had received a scholarship to study Law in America, and in his ex's words, Jaehyun was a <em>deadbeat.</em> Not for the fact that he was a bad boyfriend, not because he'd never called or texted enough — <em>no.</em> It was because Jaehyun's sole aspiration was sport — or boxing, to be precise, and you couldn't do anything with boxing.</p><p>It was unstable and uncertain, and he was a fool for leaping into a hole that had no light at the end of it. But it was a fall he had taken willingly, blindsided despite his mother's and his ex's warning. Looking back on it, he was thankful someway, somehow, because the break up had given him exactly the boost of courage and spite he needed to improve his grades and graduate. The insults had rolled off his back in the long run because he had seen the signs that, slowly but surely, the break up was coming. But he hadn't seen this one's. He hadn't anticipated <em>Taeyong's.</em></p><p>It hurt in a way he hadn't ever experienced — the sort of pain he felt transcending physical. Taeyong hadn't broken up with him in words, in call, nor even over text, but the way he was avoiding Jaehyun said enough. And now, he couldn't do anything but plead. He should've heeded warning, he should've listened to Johnny when he said not to go after Taeyong, he should've never wished for something more, but he <em>had,</em> and he was stuck dealing with the repercussions. He could only pray to whatever God was out there that Taeyong would open the door tonight.</p><p>Jaehyun's hands tightened around the bouquet of flowers as he made his way to Taeyong's apartment. Taeyong had been skilfully avoiding him so far, but he could do nothing if Jaehyun showed up at his door. Nothing but be forced to make one of two choices he was confronted with. He could Jaehyun into his apartment, a grovelling man, or he could leave Jaehyun out in the cold night where he knew Jaehyun would wait. He would wait, and wait, and <em>wait,</em> and he would do so for the simple fact that it was Taeyong. It would hurt his pride more than anything, but if such an answer came, Jaehyun could accept defeat.</p><p>As Jaehyun rounded another corner to Taeyong's apartment, a feeling of immeasurable trepidation creeped up like vines around his bleeding veins. He was on alert, alone in the blanketed darkness of the night, but when he glanced back around, there was nobody there. He blamed his paranoia on not being able to see Taeyong yet — anxiety bubbling up below the surface — but when he came towards the end of the alley, the cause of his fears had appeared as a physical, tangible being.</p><p>Jaehyun froze when he noticed a figure leaned against the cold, grey, brick wall. The smell of cigarettes permeated in the air, bitter and heady, and his instinct was to size the stranger up for any threats. But he had something more important to attend to, and so he clutched the bouquet in his hands tighter and forced down the feelings of paranoia and dread simmering in his belly. As he passed, he saw the strangers face illuminated by the streetlight, and his stomach dropped when he recognised who it was.</p><p>Jongin.</p><p>And it was as if Jongin had been waiting for him — expecting Jaehyun's arrival for minutes, or even even hours — because he didn't share half the amount of shock Jaehyun did. He simply straightened up from the wall, cracked his neck, tilted his head up, and <em>smiled.</em> But there was something awfully barbaric in the way he smiled, something so murderous in the way he looked Jaehyun in the eye, threatening in a way that caused Jaehyun to take an instinctive step back. Jongin had been waiting for him, Jaehyun realised, hair raising on his skin. And he'd been waiting for him for a long time.</p><p>Jongin dropped the cigarette in his fingers, not bothering to look down as it was crushed underneath his feet when he took another step forward. Though, this time, Jaehyun didn't take a step back. Johnny's warnings came back to him at full force, blaring like police sirens through the divots in his skull. He would've been a fucking fool not to see the way Jongin's eyes had flickered to the flowers in his hands and how they had darkened immediately afterwards. He caught it as well as he caught what would happen next.</p><p>"Jaehyun, isn't it? We've met before a couple times," Jongin began, voice light, but the baleful smile he wore was anything but. It was like he was trying to lure Jaehyun into a false sense of security, but Jaehyun knew better. Jongin was only waiting to sink his teeth in. A jealous man was a deadly man.</p><p>"I think we have," Jaehyun answered passively, not allowing his voice to waver.</p><p>There was something sickeningly predatory in the way Jongin's eyes flickered over his frame and the way he stalked towards him — like a lion to a deer, waiting for Jaehyun to get caught in his headlights. And when Jongin raised a hand, Jaehyun almost flinched, but he willed his body to stone as Jongin's hand landed upon his shoulder and <em>squeezed.</em> It was purposeful, Jaehyun thought, the first time he'd done it in the gym and now — the same hand he'd used in Jaehyun's knockout.</p><p>"Say, Jaehyun, where were you off to?" Jongin's question was rhetoric.</p><p>Jaehyun gathered his courage — daring to look Jongin dead in the eye — before answering. "You know why I'm here," Jaehyun said. "We both know why we're here. Tae—"</p><p>It was as if he'd signed a death warrant by daring to say the name. At once, Jongin's hand on his shoulder came to wrap around his neck and slam him up against the concrete wall. Jaehyun gritted his teeth and didn't back down. He shouldn't have said the name, and he knew it. Be it bravery, be it stupidity, be it something akin to love that had fueled his actions, it would only be his downfall. And if he died in a pool of his own blood tonight, then he'd know he died with some semblance of pride.</p><p>But pride was an irrational thing. And Jaehyun, more than anyone, should've known when to let go of it.</p><p>"What?" Jaehyun said, willing away the pain in his bones but acutely aware of the large, callused hands tightening around his neck. "You're really going to do this? Because what? You got rejected? Because Taeyong moved on? Be a man and take it."</p><p>"You've got a fucking smart mouth, you know that?" Jongin snarked.</p><p>Jaehyun was reduced to speechlessness as Jongin's hands cut off his air circulation. It was getting hard to breathe, impossible to speak, but still, he looked him dead in the eye and <em>smiled.</em> It was effective in pissing Jongin off, and without warning, Jongin pulled a hand back to punch him. Jaehyun had seen it coming a mile away, and he turned his head so that Jongin's fist instead collided with the concrete wall. In the millisecond that Jongin's grip has loosened around his neck, he pried the hand off and stepped away. Jongin whipped around and heightened, eyes dark as fury rolled off him in stormy waves.</p><p>Jaehyun knew better than to provoke him, especially with the reputation Jongin had of anger issues and for the fact that when put in the open, there were no rules. Hits that weren't allowed in the ring could be used now, and bare fists hurt more without the gloves. He could walk away, he knew, he could come for Taeyong again in daylight, and he could try again tomorrow, but in the split second it took for him to contemplate his next move, Jongin lunged for him. It was a rookie mistake.</p><p>The air was knocked out of him when a hook hit him below the belt. That was an illegal move, but he knew it wasn't above Jongin would play dirty. Jaehyun threw his own punch back, but what he lacked in speed, Jongin made up for it in agility. The hit had landed, but Jongin yanked the same arm and twisted it behind Jaehyun's back and forced it up before Jaehyun felt himself being pushed down to the ground, face down and the skin of his jaw skidding into the pavement with rocks tearing into his skin.</p><p>He could feel Jongin's weight above him pressing him down, and he craned his neck, chest heaving, so that he could get a better look at the man towering above him. Jongin's face came down to whisper to him menacingly.</p><p>"One more fucking chance."</p><p>Jaehyun wrangled his body harshly. "Let me fucking go," he said through gritted teeth.</p><p>Jongin's hand let go easily, and Jaehyun managed to turn himself over, ready to shove him off before a fist was slammed across the cheek forcefully. The pain was sharp and the feeling of it thudded in his skull, and before he could recuperate, Jongin dragged him up to stand with two hands on his collar. Jaehyun tasted blood in his mouth as he stood — rancid, iron, and metallic — but he turned his head and spat it out, undeterred. Jongin didn't waste another second before ramming him into the wall again and punching his gut. Jaehyun doubled over and buckled when an elbow hit his spine with force.</p><p>On his hands and knees, struggling to get himself back up, Jongin kicked his stomach and side before reaching down to lay Jaehyun flat against the pavement and rain unrelenting punches everywhere — each blow a bruise to his ego, pride, and the resolve that had so far held him up. Jaehyun landed a hit from below him and several more, but it was nothing against a man who didn't feel pain. When Jongin slammed him down once more, his head cracked against the concrete, and he felt his limbs go numb. With hooded vision, he went limp, but through the haze he saw Jongin clearly.</p><p>Jongin let go of him and spit to the side, nostrils flaring as he cracked his neck. He pulled back, shoulders drawing forth, wide and large, as he looked Jaehyun in the eye. Jaehyun felt a warm hand come down to his cheek, patting it for a moment before laughter rang in his ears. Jongin stood, lips coiling upwards into a vicious smile as he stared down at Jaehyun who was half alive below him. He then picked up the forgotten flowers Jaehyun had dropped and dusted them off on his jeans.</p><p>Jongin smiled down at him. "Thank you, pretty boy."</p><p>And then, Jaehyun was left alone. When the adrenaline was gone and his insides were left torn and stripped bare, he closed his eyes, letting out slow, steady, shallow breaths. There was another feeling that replaced the buzz in his mind — something less charged, less strong, more hollow, just... <em>empty.</em> It was emptiness. He felt like a husk of the man he'd once been. Jaehyun ground his teeth in his mouth, tasting blood as he willed himself not to cry. Everything felt numb.</p><p>In that moment, he'd given it all up.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun winced and clutched an ice pack to his head, groaning as he pulled himself up with deadweight limbs. It was bright outside, streams of light annoyingly filtering inside, and yet, it only hurt his eyes to see. He'd slept in as he had for days now — days fading into each other in one blurry mirage. He'd lost sense of time whilst wallowing in filthy pity and destructive thoughts. His mind was dark, overshadowed by bleakness and lack of resolution. And there was only ever one time he'd gotten like this — when he was trying to rise and ranks but questioning himself. Questioning his abilities. Questioning whether it was all worth it.</p><p>And those same thoughts had come back at full force, stampeding everything else in its place so that was all he could think about. There was no on and off switch for his brain. Something like that didn't exist. So when he began to spiral in a hole he couldn't pull himself out of, there was nothing he could do about it.</p><p>With a dry, scratchy throat, he reached for the water on his bedside table that had now grown stale. There was a rock in his throat as his drank — solid and expanding in size. It was the type he'd get whenever he wanted to cry. But he was out of tears and his eyes were dry — nothing but that hot, prickly feeling of held back tears behind them. He coughed up water when the bell to his apartment rang without warning. Jaehyun beat a hand on his chest to silence himself before pausing and listening to the continuous ring of the door. There was only ever one person who rang that much when Jaehyun was busy or asleep;</p><p>Johnny.</p><p>Guilt crawled up his skin like biting ants, and he hung his head in shame. He left the bell to ring over and over, trying to drown out the sound despite being acutely aware of it. When the noise in the house returned to mundane silence, Jaehyun let himself relax, slumping slightly, but he tensed up again when he heard the distinct sound of a key fumbling in the lock. Panic shot up spine for a moment before he realised that the most plausible option was Johnny still having his spare key from the last time they were out and Johnny brought him home, wasted.</p><p>In frenzy, his eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out if he could leg it to the front door in half a second and make sure Johnny couldn't open it or hide under the covers like the coward he was.</p><p>Cowardice was stronger and easier to succumb to, and so he laid down and pulled the covers over his head like he was five again and hiding from the big bad monster under his bed. Except that the monster had human sounding footsteps and could physically throw back the covers with one swift tug of a hand. Jaehyun blinked, lips twisting into an awkward smile as he came face to face with the monster itself. Johnny stared down at him, and Jaehyun swallowed dryly at the look of anger he wore.</p><p>"Get up," Johnny ordered, pulling it back further.</p><p>Jaehyun huffed and pulled the duvet back up to his chin. "No."</p><p>Hearing the pout and almost child-like whine in Jaehyun's voice, Johnny scoffed and stood back, placing his hands on his hips. He glanced between Jaehyun and the door incredulously, and Jaehyun could tell that Johnny had half the mind to leave him stewing in his own pity. But Johnny wasn't a quitter — it wasn't in his blood to be — and Jaehyun thought he was the same before he was currently proven otherwise by his own lack of motivation. Johnny took in a deep breath before speaking.</p><p>"I will give you five seconds before I—"</p><p>"Before you what?" Jaehyun questioned curiously, raising a brow.</p><p>"Before I strangle you off this bed," Johnny barked. "Now, get the fuck up, I swear to God." Johnny paused. No movement. "Five. Four. Three. Two—"</p><p>Jaehyun sat up slowly, eyes shut firmly. He placed his hand on his face in his hands and groaned as Johnny finally quietened. When he lifted his head to look up, his jaw slackened in pure shock. Johnny hadn't been glancing at the exit to leave — he had been glancing at Taeyong who was leaning on the doorway, arms crossed. Jaehyun's chest tightened as Taeyong then puttered over to him and at just how much Taeyong's face looked thoroughly unimpressed. Johnny stepped back as Taeyong crawled on to the bed with his hands and knees, and Jaehyun reclined as Taeyong inched closer, trapping him under his arms.</p><p>Taeyong hunted him down until Jaehyun's back was firmly against the headboard, and Jaehyun chewed his bottom lip as he searched Taeyong's eyes, but they were blank. His heart skittered in his chest as Taeyong leaned even closer until they were sharing the same bubble of air, and Taeyong used a hand to cup his chin lightly. With his thumb grazing the edge Jaehyun's of cheek, Jaehyun allowed Taeyong's hand to languidly move his head from side to side, as if inspecting him. He felt shame deep down coil in his belly, but above that, he felt a ball of attraction curl and then expand through him, warm at the thought of Taeyong caring for him so simply, silently, and lovingly.</p><p>And then, Taeyong stopped, straightening Jaehyun's head so that they locked eyes again. His words were a low, almost breathless whisper. "When was the last time you brushed your teeth?"</p><p>Jaehyun blinked, heart pounding. "Uh... Before bed." He was fairly sure of it — he had a sort of drowsy recollection.</p><p>Taeyong nodded, and in the blink of an eye, Jaehyun felt Taeyong's soft lips on his. Taeyong kissed him tenderly but passionately, like he missed him but didn't know how to put it into words. He tilted Jaehyun's head, fingers careful not to press into the faded bruise on his cheek, and added more heat to the kiss. Jaehyun's breath hitched as Taeyong's tongue swiped over his bottom lip, healed over from where it had been cut. Now feeling more invigorated, he took his own hands to cup Taeyong's chin and match the energy he was being given. If he'd slowly been drained before, Taeyong's kiss worked to bring him back to life.</p><p>Jaehyun's stomach coiled into webs of unbridled attraction as Taeyong pulled away, and he stared at the flush on his cheeks and Taeyong's blown out pupils. He went to reel him in for another one, but Taeyong pulled his head out of Jaehyun's hands quickly, leaving him cold again. Jaehyun watched disappointedly as Taeyong slid off the bed and stood to his full height. He and Johnny made eye contact, like they were having some obvious, silent conversation that Jaehyun had purposefully been left out of.</p><p>Taeyong turned back to him. "Get up, baby."</p><p>Jaehyun's ears heated and he felt the diminished fire of hope flicker inside him once again. "...Baby?"</p><p>"Yes, you baby. And <em>my</em> baby," Taeyong went on amusedly. "Now, get up."</p><p>For whatever reason — be it him simply being a lovesick fool — Jaehyun was inclined to listen to Taeyong much rather than Johnny instead. And so, he shimmied out of bed and put his feet to the floor before rising in a way that made his stomach turn. Taeyong and Johnny circled him, and Jaehyun felt small under their scrutinising eyes. His wounds had healed for the most part, but it was obvious that damage had been done. Taeyong fingered the almost fully healed laceration on the back of his head quietly where Jaehyun had needed to get sutures after it bled. Finally, Johnny stopped in front of him and wolf whistled.</p><p>"Damn. Jongin did a number on you."</p><p>"Shut up," Jaehyun grumbled. "I actually got in a few hits this time."</p><p>Johnny smiled, but before he could retort, Taeyong spoke up firmly. "We have to press charges."</p><p>"No way," Jaehyun denied quickly as Taeyong stepped out from behind him to stand in front of him and frown. "It's... embarrassing. And what's done is done. Besides, how did you know?" he asked, looking away from Taeyong to Johnny. "How did you know it was Jongin?"</p><p>"He came over to my apartment two weeks ago with flowers specifically addressed from you to me," Taeyong answered instead flatly. Jaehyun looked over at him, surprised. That probably was a big cue. "Y'know.. two weeks ago when you practically just left me. No calls, no texts."</p><p>"Left <em>us,</em>" Johnny corrected. "We just figured something was definitely wrong after the third day, and your stubborn ass didn't want to pick up your calls or open the door."</p><p>Jaehyun scratched his neck sheepishly. "Sorry about that. I was.. wallowing."</p><p>Johnny snorted. "Yeah, you were."</p><p>"How are you feeling now, though?" Taeyong asked. "I promise you it's not as big of a deal as you think it is. Come back to me — to us," Taeyong said, slight plea in his voice as he spoke.</p><p>"Easy for you to say, you're not the one who got your ass kicked by a crazy ex boyfriend," Jaehyun muttered, looking at his feet.</p><p>When he looked back up again, Taeyong looked hurt, and it instantly made him want to eat his words. It wasn't Taeyong's fault that Jongin had been there that day, but Taeyong was the reason Jaehyun had gone over there. He'd been avoiding him, and though Jaehyun's heart was practically soaring at the notion of Taeyong seriously wanting him again, he had to know the reason Taeyong had avoided him that time in the first place. He had to ask <em>why?</em></p><p>"You were avoiding me," Jaehyun stated, meeting his eyes. "I went over because you wouldn't even spare me a glance.You stopped answering my calls and texts, you didn't kiss me goodbye, and you—" Jaehyun paused to take in a deep breath. "You were trying to break it off with me."</p><p>His eyes flickered down to Taeyong chewing his plump lip, not meeting his gaze. It wasn't often that Taeyong let his guard down or let a crack in his walls form so that Jaehyun could see his vulnerability, but he did now. It was obvious that he was struggling to say it, if not for himself, maybe so as to not hurt Jaehyun's feelings. But it was far too late for that, Jaehyun surmised — it was much too late to prevent what had already been done. His wounds had healed, and Taeyong being with him now acted as their emollient.</p><p>"I did," Taeyong admitted after a pregnant pause between the three of them. "It's going to sounds really fucking stupid and cheesy if I say this and just awfully <em>ironic</em> since you're so much bigger than me, but I was trying to... I was trying to <em>protect you.</em>" Taeyong then closed his eyes, wincing as if waiting for impact, but Jaehyun only stared at him, partially stunned, and Johnny only quietly listened to the lovers' talk. When there was no retort. Taeyong opened his eyes carefully, cheeks pink. "I wanted to protect you."</p><p>"I—" Jaehyun started, but Taeyong cut him off.</p><p>"Wait. Just wait, and listen." Taeyong met his eyes, determined. "Jongin threatened me—"</p><p>Anger flared up within Jaehyun in an instant at the notion Taeyong put out, but Taeyong was quick to drown out the flames.</p><p>"With <em>you.</em> He threatened me with you. Said if I didn't cut it off, he'd hurt you. That he'd hurt you and take you away from me, that day in the storage room. And I was scared because I l— I like you. A whole lot, Jae. So much that it's scary. I never felt this way with Jongin or anybody else, and I knew what Jongin was — <em>is</em> — capable of. He's done it before. If he wanted to make you disappear, he could."</p><p>Jaehyun took a moment to process the information. He took it in and let it settle in his brain, mind running a hundred miles a minute to process what Taeyong had told him. At the end of it, he had only come up with one question. He turned to Taeyong, fire in his eyes as words rose, triumphant. "And did he ever hurt you?"</p><p>"No," Taeyong was quick to deny. "Never. He has hit moments of madness, but he was never like that to me."</p><p>"His ass would be grass if that was the case," Johnny grunted.</p><p>"Don't worry. Like, never," Taeyong assured them both. "I only started ignoring you so that you'd get the hint and leave me. I thought it'd be better that way. Besides... I don't think I deserve you."</p><p>"Didn't," Jaehyun cut in, gritting his teeth. "You <em>didn't</em> think you deserved me, because I'm telling you right now that you do. That we deserve each other. So I don't even want to hear that."</p><p>Taeyong cheeks flushed pink and his eyes widened a fraction. "Oh."</p><p>Jaehyun held Taeyong's hands in his firmly, the look in his eyes unwavering. He didn't know how Taeyong had been feeling, and he wished he'd paid more attention to how Taeyong always seemed closed off in the littlest ways for reasons he could never put his finger on. But now that everything had been hung out in the open, he understood him, and he would make sure that Taeyong was reassured about the way he felt about him and that he knew he could have this — have <em>him.</em> Together. And his true feelings would scare Taeyong off, but he could settle with holding it back for now.</p><p>"I'm serious, Tae. About us and about you. I really want us to work if you'd give me the chance and have a little faith in me."</p><p>Taeyong opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Jaehyun moved in for a kiss again, but whatever sparking moment between them had been defused by Johnny.</p><p>"Hate to break up the moment guys," he said, looking at his watch, "but me and Taeyong have to get back. There are a couple matches this evening, so Yong's workin'. I need to be there to support... doesn't matter." Johnny shook his head, and both Taeyong and Jaehyun raised an inquisitive brow. "Point is, you gotta come back. Decide what you'll do now, Jae."</p><p>Jaehyun bones locked and his jaw hardened as he mulled over his choices. But there was only one that had come to mind from the very beginning — one that he'd been avoiding for a long time.</p><p>"I'm going to ask for a rematch."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>As he stepped outside of the president's office marked <strong>THUNDER</strong> with Johnny in tow, Jaehyun met eyes with Jongin who had been waiting. Jongin smiled brutishly at him and mouthed <em>good game</em> before he disappeared, door clicking behind him. But Jaehyun wasn't phased. The date had already been set.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun felt higher than he'd ever been — like he was free falling through the sky with no crash landing in sight. It was that same wind rush that caused his lungs to burn as he ran, wind whipping and biting his skin. Adrenaline pumped through his veins like thunder had cracked and sizzled on his skin, seeping in through the wound. It was a pleasurable type of pain, though, and one that he made him push forward despite his aching limbs and strained legs.</p><p>In the distance, he could see Johnny squinting down at the stopwatch and Taeyong beside him, hugging himself with his arms to make himself warm. It was cold where they'd chosen to train today, and Taeyong's flimsy hoodie didn't do much for him. Jaehyun's heart hammered painfully as he approached, beads of sweat trickling down his forehead. As their distant figures enlarged in his view, Johnny looked up at him, smiling.</p><p>"Lap fifteen!" he called out. "Stop!"</p><p>Jaehyun slowed his pace just as he arrived, the soles of his shoes drifting across the asphalt. He breathed so hard that it was as if he could taste something akin to blood rising from his chest and settle inside his mouth. Despite that, he still managed to smile as Taeyong approached him for a hug.</p><p>"Don't touch me, I'm sweaty," Jaehyun chuckled, panting slightly.</p><p>"You're warm," Taeyong told him before wrapping his arms around Jaehyun's side and pulling him in closer, giving him the water bottle he'd been holding.</p><p>Johnny looked up from the stopwatch. "Fifteen laps in nine minutes. Impressive. You wanna aim for the olympics instead? I have a good friend who could coach you if you're willing to change career paths."</p><p>Jaehyun grinned, lips around the mouth of his water bottle. Taeyong squeezed him tighter. "No way. He's staying here with me. Who the fuck am I gonna make out with in the gym closets and tease on stage then?" Taeyong said, and Jaehyun threw his head back in laughter from the way Taeyong had sounded dead serious.</p><p>"On a real note," Johnny went on, "you're going to do great. I don't think I've seen you this determined ever. It'll be a great thing to have on your record to tie with him. I mean it, man. You'll gain a whole lot of respect for—"</p><p>"Tie?" Jaehyun said, severing his spiel. He put the water bottle down slowly, and met Johnny's eyes head on. He could feel Taeyong shift uncomfortably beside him as the air between the three of them staled, rid of all previous charged excitement. "I'm aiming to win, you know that."</p><p>"I know... " Johnny said, drawling his words.</p><p>"So what's with saying tie?" Jaehyun prodded.</p><p>"You can tie, but you can't win, Jae. As in you <em>can't win,</em>" Johnny said seriously.</p><p>Jaehyun's jaw slackened, baffled, but rather than surprise he was feeling, it was anger. Anger that his best friend wasn't supporting him. Anger than his best friend didn't believe in him. And when he looked down at Taeyong attached to him, anger that Taeyong averted his eyes like he didn't believe in him either. Jaehyun stepped back, and Taeyong detached from him, spindly arms falling loosely by his sides. There was ringing in his ears as his eyes darted between the both of them in disbelief. Had they come to set him up to fail? Had they pushed him, knowing, deep down, that it was unachievable? He'd trained this hard only for them to take him like a fucking fool?</p><p>"So what? You too?" he probed, addressing Taeyong, vexation pricking his heated skin. "You encouraged me to do this. You <em>both</em> did. For what then?"</p><p>Johnny shook his head. "Listen, it's not like that. Of course we were going to support you—"</p><p>"Even though you saw me as a failure?" Jaehyun said, gritting his teeth. "The match is in three days, Johnny, and you didn't think to tell me I couldn't do it till now? So you were just going to let him kick your best friends ass because you thought it was funny?"</p><p>"No—"</p><p>"So then tell me what it is," Jaehyun challenged, stepping up so that he was chest to chest with Johnny himself. His upper body heaved and his nostrils flared as he held himself back by a thin thread. He didn't want to fight Johnny. He never would. Their relationship wasn't one built on one upping each other or pride — but <em>fuck.</em> It hurt. It hurt him so bad.</p><p>"Tell him the truth," Taeyong's words came firmly from beside him. "Do it, Youngho."</p><p>Johnny shut his eyes, face strained in contemplation as Jaehyun took a step back, throwing his head to the sky with a scoff and rotating his shoulders.</p><p>"He does drugs."</p><p>Jaehyun's eyes snapped towards him. Johnny looked resolute.</p><p>"He takes fucking drugs, okay? Narcotics, Jae. Performance drugs. Enhancers. You can't win, and not because of your ability, but because the fight will be set unfairly before you even step into the fucking ring. It's not your fault you couldn't beat him that day, it's not your fault that even I can't stand against him. It's nobody but his. You can't win because he <em>dopes.</em>"</p><p>Almost at once, every tangible feeling within him dissipated, leaving him void. Jaehyun took a step back. "W-What?"</p><p>"It's true," Taeyong affirmed, coming forward, arms wrapped around himself to brave against the cold. "He's been doing it for years. He's a dumbass to think he'd be able to sneak it into the big leagues, though. But his anger issues keep him from making it big, or else he would've left a while ago. Nobody wants to deal with guys like that. But he can't either way. They'd catch him in a fucking heartbeat."</p><p>Jaehyun put his hands to his knees, bending over to release one large breath. Taeyong made his way towards him, rubbing soothing circles on his back with a warm hand. His mind was spinning and his body was reeling from the information. He should've known. He should've expected it. There was no way for a guy to be that good and still be up against people like Jaehyun. They had two different skill sets. But it was fear that caused him not to question it and the simple thought of looking like a fool if he did. Those hesitations were gone now, though, and there was something else simmering inside of him — something with steel resolve.</p><p>Johnny raked a hand through his hair. "You understand why I said it now? You're bloody brilliant, Jae. Really talented—"</p><p>"But he's talented <em>and</em> takes drugs. I get it," Jaehyun said, straightening to stand at full height. He then pulled his hoodie off and handed it over to Taeyong. "It's sweaty but.."</p><p>"I'll take it," Taeyong said, smiling softly. "It's a whole lot better than freezing to death. Plus, I sort of like that weird, manly, sweaty smell."</p><p>Jaehyun smiled at him before stepping past both him and Johnny to stand at the line he used to mark his first lap. An arm latched on to his shoulder — Johnny. "What are you doing?"</p><p>"What does it look like? I'm still going to train."</p><p>Johnny blinked at him. "Are you stupid?"</p><p>Jaehyun snorted, taking Johnny's hand off his shoulder. "That sounded awfully rhetorical. And no. I still want that rematch."</p><p>"Even after what we just told you?" Johnny asked, stumped. Jaehyun nodded. "You know that's a different level of delusion, right? You can't seriously believe—"</p><p>"I know a way," Taeyong cut in before Johnny could fully reprimand him. "A way to get him caught... I know where he gets his drugs from and how to catch him in the act if you're interested," Taeyong went on, crossing his arms.</p><p>Jaehyun and Johnny's heads whipped to him in tandem, disbelief written all over their features. Jaehyun's eyes flickered over Taeyong's form — his boyfriend being swallowed by his hoodie stirring some odd, fleeting sense of possessiveness within him. He understood Jongin, in a way. It was hard not to get strung up over someone like Taeyong, but even then, Taeyong belonged to no one. He took it as a blessing for Taeyong to be with him im the first place.</p><p>"Go on," Jaehyun said before Johnny could protest.</p><p>"There's this place he always goes to Saturdays. This club. Kinda hard to get into, but I know people. He always sits in the same section because he's boring like that," Taeyong said, stopping to laugh lightly, as if hit with some stupid memory. "In the back is where they keep the drugs. Jongin's in charge of who gets them. Him and this other dude who isn't exactly the face of it, but—"</p><p>"Take me there," Jaehyun cut in.</p><p>Johnny spoke up. "Jaehyun, this is the worst idea—"</p><p>"Saturday, tomorrow, take me there," Jaehyun went on, silencing Johnny's protests. Taeyong nodded at him resolutely, and Jaehyun smiled to himself. He had at least one person on his side, and for now, that was all he needed. "I'm going to win."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun stood outside the entrance of the club, the cold nipping at his skin. The place was just as Taeyong had described, and yet, he'd somehow he had envisioned it differently in his head. He'd imagined something easier to get into, something more run down and sleazy — fitting for a guy like Jongin. But he'd been biased and prejudiced in his thinking because after one distasteful look from the bouncer, he'd been denied entry. Jaehyun had protested as other club goers slipped past him easily, but deep down, he knew he didn't even look the part.</p><p>Dressed in casual jeans and still wearing the faint marks of the aftermath of a beating, he didn't look like the people who were let inside at all. It would've been different if Taeyong had accompanied him, but they both knew it wouldn't have worked that way. Jongin would know something was up if he set eyes on Jaehyun and Taeyong together or even apart in the club. And Jaehyun knew that men like Jongin were unpredictable — drunk off booze and drugs, the fight he'd be up against would be for his life.</p><p>Jaehyun ran a hand through his hair in agitation, standing by the side of the entrance and eyeing the bouncer who had insistently kept him out. His eyes then darted back to the club itself — the dazzling lights from the inside glittering onto the door and pavement, with the pounding music cracking in his ears. Jaehyun's body ached to go inside and give Jongin the penance he deserved — to wipe away that slimy smile he used whenever he felt triumphant one step at a time. He'd get the evidence and go whether he had to barge past the bouncer or not.</p><p>Jaehyun approached the bouncer, calmer this time but skin still itching with the need to set off. His approach was the same as it'd always been in any other situation — all smiles, smooth talk, and just letting his charm do its thing. But somehow, he'd failed again, and the bouncer didn't even spare him a glance, hands clasped firmly to his front. And he'd had enough of it, irrationality pushing past all sense of reason and causing him to lose his sense of sanity and anger instead forcefully make its way in, but he was interrupted by another man approaching the door.</p><p>He spared Jaehyun a blank glance before addressing the bouncer. "Chang Wook," the man said to the bouncer, nodding.</p><p>He was let in easily — so smoothly that he needn't have addressed the bouncer at all, but then he paused and took a step back, eyes falling on Jaehyun again. Jaehyun felt himself being picked apart piece by piece, dissected by the man's heavy stare like he was a lab rat — and he levelled him one too, determined not to stand down. The man's lips curved slightly, unnoticeable if not for that fact that Jaehyun had been watching him with just as much intensity, too. His eyes didn't leave Jaehyun as he spoke.</p><p>"Chang Wook.... Let him in."</p><p>The bouncer didn't hesitate to do so, stepping aside so that Jaehyun could pass. Jaehyun stood, slightly dumbstricken for a moment, before following the man in. The atmosphere of the club was familiar, nothing particularly out of the ordinary, and he wouldn't have expected anything if Taeyong hadn't told him what was really going down in it. But the noise of the music was lost — drowned out as Jaehyun focused on following the man in front of him, the stranger not even bothering to spare him a glance back. Tall, blonde hair, dark eyes. He fit the description.</p><p>"Kun?" Jaehyun said, voicing his thoughts. His guess was confirmed when the man's steps faltered in front of him.</p><p>"Don't act like you know me here," he said, not bothering to turn around and address him, but even over the music, Jaehyun had heard him loud and clear.</p><p>He followed Kun at a safe distance until the man slipped into the side of the bar and took position, getting himself ready to work as a bartender, Jaehyun realised. He took a seat on one of the stools and tried not the fidget, palms laid flat on his thighs as he watched Kun get ready silently. Without a word, Kun handed him a drink, and Jaehyun took it, glancing around. It was hard to make out the VIP section through the hoard of grinding bodies and distracting smell of arousal and sex in the air, but he spotted it when he tilted his head upwards.</p><p>Tucked away in a darker corner than the rest of the club was an area sectioned off for men like Jongin. And Jaehyun had spotted him there — arms snaked around a girl on his lap and a glass of bourbon in the other. His eyes were downcast as he sipped, and Jaehyun knew he must've seen him. He must've seen the exact moment Jaehyun had come in, or maybe he had been informed of Jaehyun's presence and was the one who'd somehow denied him entry from all the way inside, but he'd <em>seen him.</em> And yet, he was doing nothing about it.</p><p>"You stare a lot. Makes you stand out and look suspicious in a place like this. You should be on the dance floor," Kun said stoically, wiping a glass down with a dry towel. Jaehyun swivelled in his seat to face him, blood pulsating in his ears. He hadn't even approached him yet, and yet, the nerve fibres in him were on fire.</p><p>"I can't. You know that's not why I'm here," Jaehyun said, leaning down to whisper slightly.</p><p>Kun smiled unnoticeably. "I don't know why you're here. I do know Taeyong, though. And I know you need to get up there, but I don't know why. I don't want to know, either. The less I'm told, the better. I'm here to help out a friend."</p><p>Jaehyun absorbed his words. "Thank you for that."</p><p>Kun nodded towards the direction of another bouncer at the bottom of the stairs leading to the VIP section. Jaehyun downed the rest of his drink, needing the liquid courage, and he geared himself before making his way towards the bouncers. There were two this time, and they were bigger than the man who'd stood at the entrance. Jaehyun made sure not to stumble as he approached them, ensuring that he looked like he belonged — like he was one of them. A customer of sorts. But it was what he would be, or would have to <em>pretend</em> to be, in order to do what he needed to do.</p><p>It was no surprise that the men hadn't moved to let him by, but as soon as Kun made eye contact with one of them from the bar, he was let through. Each footstep up the stairs propelled him forward and caused his stomach to sink — a heavy, weighted feeling he knew he couldn't rid of until his body was intact and he was safely outside of the club. The air changed as he drew closer to Jongin — a stark contrast to the lightness he felt downstairs. But he'd come face to face with a bitter reality, and that reality had the name of Kim Jongin.</p><p>It was like watching a ticking time bomb as Jongin stared him down. There was no trace of surprise in his features, nothing hardening to even indicate anger, but when his lips twitched into a sweet smile, Jaehyun felt as if it was worse than the wrath of a man who'd been killed before. There was unspoken history between then, and future history to be made — after all, their fight would be in less that twenty four hours, and the rule of not seeing your opponent until hours before went unsaid. But Jaehyun had broken it. He'd broken it for himself and for Taeyong.</p><p>Wordlessly, but with eyes still trained on Jaehyun standing in front of him, Jongin used two fingers to tap on the woman seated on his lap and then glid her off to sit on the velvet couch beside him. Jaehyun's jaw ticked as Jongin stood, his drink still in hand and contents swirling in his stomach. Acid broiled in his throat and bile rose in his throat as Jongin took slow, calculated steps until they were standing so close they could kiss. And it was humiliating, in way, to stare into the eyes of a man who'd kicked him and spit on him when he was at his worst, but he swallowed the feeling down, the reminder of what he'd come to do coming to the forefront of his mind.</p><p>And then, Jongin did something unexpected — he slid his arms around Jaehyun's neck and pulled him in for a side hug, throwing his head back in laughter. The action should've made him relax, but he tensed up instead, feeling as though he was being lured into a false sense of security and caged by Jongin's arms. Jongin's laughter shook him and rattled his brain, but he kept his mind focused and purposely forced himself to relax under him, if only to pretend that he was truly going along with it.</p><p>"I can't believe you came here," Jongin said, laughter not fading in the slightest as he manoeuvred Jaehyun towards the velvet couch, girls on either side of them.</p><p>Jongin let go of him and took a seat first, legs spread widely in a stance that screamed so much obnoxious arrogance that Jaehyun found it hard to hide his silent vexation. Jongin put the glass of bourbon to his lips. "You're either really fucking brave or I probably knocked out some of them braincells with my fist."</p><p>He then raised his glass to Jaehyun. "You've got guts, kid."</p><p>Jaehyun plastered on a smile, aware of the phone sitting heavily in his pocket — silent but turned on to record all conversations. "I wouldn't have made it this far without a little bit of courage, would I?"</p><p>Nothing in Jongin's expression changed to signify that he noted the double meaning in Jaehyun's words — nothing but the subtle twitch of a brow that could've meant nothing and everything all at once. But still, Jaehyun had to take the chance.</p><p>"Take a seat," Jongin told him, stretching one of his arms over the couch. Jaehyun stood where he was. Jongin raised a brow. "You're up here for a reason then. You made it past the guards," he said, gesturing towards them with his swirling drink in hand. He reclined in his seat, lips tugging into a smile. "So what is it?"</p><p>"I want to call off the rematch," Jaehyun answered immediately.</p><p>And he had expected something — a bark of laughter, taunting words to kick him down so he'd fall deeper into the pit of shame than he already was, or even another fist to the face. It would be uncharacteristic for someone normal, but Jaehyun was on his toes with a man like Jongin. But Jongin was proved to be full of surprises because he simply put his glass down, titled his head, and <em>smiled.</em></p><p>"You've accepted defeat. Surprised you came around. But the day before?" Jongin chuckled. "Not a fucking chance," he said, spitting sideways.</p><p>Jaehyun clenched his fists, heart burning in his chest. He had to keep going. "We don't have to call it off then. You can do whatever you want with me, and I'll let myself lose," Jaehyun went on, words bitter in his mouth but laced with mock desperation. Jongin visibly ran his tongue over his teeth. "I'll stand down before we even step foot in the ring. You can have your way... On one condition."</p><p>Jongin laughed, but Jaehyun continued, undeterred.</p><p>"Take me under your wing," Jaehyun said, lowering his voice by an octave.</p><p>Jongin's laughter halted unnaturally, like it had been sliced in half with a razor sharp knife — cut choppily at the end. The air grew thick when Jongin paused and locked eyes with him, face stoic and unreadable. His eyes darkened, and for a moment, Jaehyun believed that Jongin had seen right through him — his reasons, his intentions, his game plans. Jongin had seen it all. He said nothing as he stared at Jaehyun, heavy eyes boring into his soul. Blood pumped in his ears, and his instincts were screaming at him to get out of there and <em>scram.</em> But he wasn't a coward. Not anymore.</p><p>"I know how you keep winning. I know about the drugs. It's an open secret. And I want to be a part of it."</p><p>It was the riskiest thing he had done till date, and Jaehyun knew that saying those words had made it a do or die affair. Jongin now knew that he knew, and there were only two ways he could take it. It was silent between them, the air crackling with tension, and even those beside them didn't speak, as if everyone was too afraid to say a word and unleash the beast that Jongin kept hidden inside. Jaehyun didn't breathe, he didn't think — he was only on fight or flight mode for the few seconds that Jongin chose to dissect him. And then, Jongin rose up again, bourbon cold and forgotten on the table as he stood in front of Jaehyun, practically chest to chest.</p><p>Jongin wound his jaw, grinding it from side to side. "And Taeyong?"</p><p>"I'll forget about him."</p><p>The lie was damning, but it was the exact thing he needed to hit the final nail on the coffin because when the look in Jongin's eyes changed again, Jaehyun knew he had believed him. Jongin spent no more time sizing him up. There was no point in doing so. Jaehyun, himself, knew that he was outnumbered in a place like this by a long shot.</p><p>"Follow me."</p><p>Jongin turned and the girls and bouncer by their sides parted to make way. Jaehyun spared them a brief glance back as he followed Jongin down the hall until the rest of the club below was out of view. Jongin stopped at a door being guarded by two burly men and nodded at them. Jaehyun couldn't see their eyes through the darkness of their sunglasses, but he could feel their stares on him as they opened the door and even when he stepped inside. But then his bones bolted into place and his mind blanked when he was confronted with what was in the room. It was everywhere — the drugs. Some in pills, some as powders, liquids, packaged and ready to go. The white of it all was blinding.</p><p>"Oxilofrine, stanozolol, epo," Jongin said, listing some of them off as he went forward, hands in his pockets and whistling at the glorious sight. "Take your fucking pick."</p><p>Jongin laughed, throwing his head back and shoulders shaking. Jaehyun had heard all of their names before, he'd have been stupid not to — but the context in which they were said were in warning. Something he <em>wasn't</em> supposed to do, and yet, he could only watch as Jongin rounded the large table stacked with drugs, picked up a tablet, and crushed it between his finger. He smeared some of the powder on his thumb and licked his finger, grinning.</p><p>"Who's this?"</p><p>Jaehyun's head turned towards the source of the voice — someone who he hadn't noticed before, too fixated on the drugs in front of him. All steroids. Anabolic.</p><p>"New recruit, Woo. Jaehyun."</p><p>"Jaehyun?" the stranger said, placing down the stack of bills he'd been counting. "Jung Jaehyun? The one who fucked your Taeyong?"</p><p>Through his peripheral vision, Jaehyun saw Jongin's jaw tick, but he was quick to save himself, thinking on his feet. "No. The one who got his ass kicked in an alleyway." He then approached him, and the stranger stood, smiling amusedly. He put out a hand. "Jung Jaehyun."</p><p>The stranger shook it. "Jungwoo. Just a middle man." Jungwoo then pulled him in for a hug, thrusting Jaehyun's body to his at full force so that he could tilt his head and whisper in his ears. "The hard stuff's in the back if you're interested."</p><p>Suddenly, Jaehyun was grabbed by the shoulder and yanked away by Jongin's hand. Jongin glared at Jungwoo, unimpressed, before turning to put something in Jaehyun's hand. Jaehyun stared down at it, ears ringing and now more alert than he'd been before. Small, white, ovoidal. A pill. A singular one laying stark in his palm and causing his stomach to twist painfully at the sight of it. He knew what it was, but the words had left his mouth before he could think to hold it back. He had dug himself a grave — one that was sinking right underneath his feet.</p><p>"What's this?"</p><p>"Nandrolone," Jongin answered easily.</p><p>Jaehyun's head came up slowly. If he overdosed on something like <em>that</em>.... But Jongin's hand had somehow snaked its way to the back of his neck and was squeezing there lightly. Between Jungwoo and Jongin, he felt small. Trapped. And he knew Jongin's reason for giving it to him — it was to prove what he had actually come for. To prove his claim that he actually wanted to do this — to join Jongin, train with him, fight with him, become one of those few people at <strong>THUNDER</strong> that everyone feared.</p><p>Jongin's fingers squeezed his neck with noticeably larger pressure. His smile was almost sadistic. "The dose is tiny. I'm not a fucking murderer. Take it."</p><p>Jaehyun's mind frayed at its edges, heart thumping in his chest. He could feel Jongin's presence all around him and Jungwoo, too. And there was no backing out of it. He hadn't come so far to be let down by such a small sacrifice. But the pill in his hand weighed heavily, and when he finally put it to his mouth and swallowed, it felt like titanium carved bricks had travelled through his stomach and lumped themselves in his stomach. He ignored the bitter taste to step back from the two of them, eyes locked on Jongin's with admirable determination.</p><p>Jongin smirked. "Welcome."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun lay in the dark of his room, staring up at the ceiling and anticipating what was to come. The sunlight flitting through the curtain signified a new day. It was Sunday — the day of their scheduled rematch — and the clock was ticking. On his beside, the sound of his phone ringing reverberated through the room.</p><p>He picked it up and put it to his ear, taking a deep breath in and shutting his eyes. "I did it."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Jaehyun tucked his bottom lip between his teeth and ground his teeth together, rolling his ankles idly and winding his shoulders. The confidence was an act — a front he was forced to put on in order to save face. A thrill-like rush pumped through him, but it wasn't fueled by excitement — no. The swarm of blood pulsating in his ears was caused by the dread and anxiety wrapping around his being. Only Johnny knew how he was feeling, and Taeyong, too, wherever he was. Johnny's fingers were on his back, massaging his shoulders as Jaehyun prepared for the weigh in before the fight.</p><p>The crowd roared his name, but he could only focus on Jongin who was already dressed in blue and red robes, waiting for him at the other side of the stage. And Jaehyun noticed it then; how when the robes dropped and he stepped up to the scales that Jongin looked different. His skin was coated in a light layer of sheen and sweat, but his muscles looked harder than they did whenever he was in the gym — the grooves in his abdomen creasing further. Though his eyes were trained on Jongin, Johnny's words whispered into his ear still commanded his attention.</p><p>"The police will be here in a couple minutes. You just gotta hold out till then." Johnny's voice barely brushed a whisper, ensuring that nobody heard the almost silent conversation between them.</p><p>Jaehyun didn't answer. He couldn't find it in him to do so. He'd risen from bed with a sinking feeling in the pit of his gut, and he'd been right. Things hadn't gone as planned at all. Jongin should've been in bars by now. He shouldn't even have been up on stage with him, flexing something he'd never worked hard for and lying through his teeth. The sight made Jaehyun irrationally angry and sick with the worrying thought that something somewhere had gone <em>wrong.</em> He'd known it the moment he'd lost Taeyong in the crowd, never to be seen again when he'd stepped out on stage for the weigh-ins.</p><p>"So what?" Jaehyun whipped around, hissing. "You said you knew a guy. Now where the fuck is he?"</p><p>Johnny's eyes hardened, and his hands dropped from Jaehyun's shoulders. "He's coming. And need I remind you whose idea this was? I told you to call it off,” Johnny retaliated, bitterness in his tone, but Jaehyun knew it was the worry getting to him just as much as it was for him.</p><p>He couldn't fault Johnny. If anything, he could only fault himself for not calling it off and let Jongin be arrested in the comfort of his own home. But that thought hadn't settled well with him. He'd planned it out to be like this because that was the penance that Jongin deserved. Disgrace and crushed pride was something not even Jongin could come back from if it was in front of a crowd.</p><p>"And even if you have to go up there, what did you tell me? You're not a quitter, Jae. What did you say you were going to do?"</p><p>The answer went unsaid; <em>win.</em> If worse came to worst and he was forced to get in the ring with Jongin again, he'd win. He'd said it even after he'd learned Jongin was doping, and even with the plan he, Taeyong, and Johnny came up with to get Jongin arrested, he had still trained like he was going to be stepping into the ring the next day. He'd trained until his bones were tired, until the muscles fibres underneath his skin felt shred from wear and tear, until he was on the verge of collapsing. He'd always had a backup plan, and though he hadn't anticipated it, he knew what he had to do.</p><p>Jaehyun's name was called as soon as Jongin stepped away from the weighing scales, bored of showing off again for what he thought would be another inevitable win. He made eye contact with Jongin as he stepped unto the weighing scale with callused, bare feet. Jongin smiled sardonically at him, and Jaehyun nodded in reply before his gaze then gravitated between the people in the crowd, searching for Taeyong who had disappeared long before the weigh in had commenced. It unsettled him that Taeyong wasn't within his field of vision — like there was a pull in his stomach that caused it to churn.</p><p>But then, he noticed it. Taeyong in his peripheral vision, looking slightly out of breath with a stranger beside him speaking to the announcer. And after half a second, it <em>clicked</em> — who was Taeyong with, where he'd gone, and what they'd come back to do. Jaehyun's stomach dropped as his eyes flickered over to Jongin and watched as Jongin's eyes darted in between Taeyong and the non-uniformed police man he'd brought with him to Jaehyun, and then split second of realisation that washed over his face before it contorted a look of ferocious rage.</p><p>Jaehyun had no time to register what would come next because the answer came in the form of Jongin charging towards him before he slammed his body into him, causing both of them to fall back from the collision. The crowd erupted into maddening screams, and somewhere in it, he heard Taeyong's voice, too. But it was muted out by the shuddering sound of vibrations in his ears and the metallic taste of blood exploding in his mouth when Jongin struck him with a blow to his lip. Something hit him then — something deep, powerful, all consuming. It was the desire, this time, to <em>win.</em></p><p>Strength surged through him with an intensity he didn't even know he possessed until he pushed himself up and slammed Jongin down on his back so that Jongin was caged underneath him. The power trip he felt almost made him delirious as his hand pounded into Jongin's face repeatedly, hearing sickening cracks of satisfaction. The blow to his side in an attempt to get him off did nothing to him, vision clouded by the red in his eyes mixed in with the blood smeared on his fist. It was animalistic, it was wild — it was fuelled by nothing but maddening rage at what had been done to him, and he couldn't find it in himself to stop.</p><p>Arms clamped around his body and pulled him away, chest heaving with laboured breaths as his body was held back from lunging for Jongin again. The fire in him was still alive, flames licking at his insides ignited by the maniacal urge to pounce on Jongin again. It was as if something had been unleashed, and he had reached his limit. He watched Jongin being pulled away by multiple men, growling and tugging to get out of their hands. But even he could admit defeat, for when the cuffs went around the back of his hands, he stilled in place. The look in his eyes would've shaken Jaehyun down to his very core with fear if it was any other time. But not now. Not anymore.</p><p>"I swear to God, I'll fucking kill you," Jongin roared.</p><p>And Jaehyun laughed. He laughed, and laughed, and <em>laughed</em> until he couldn't anymore. There was something growing in his chest, light and sweet — a ball of budding gratification as he stared down at the man who'd lost. Jaehyun smiled and spouted a pool of blood to his side. The tables had turned. It was what Jongin had done to him. He licked over the blood on his teeth as he grinned.</p><p>"I <em>dare</em> you."</p><p>That was the thing to set Jongin off again, and he watched, relishing in the way Jongin writhed as he was dragged away. The adrenaline buzzing in his veins depleted and he became aware of the pain thundering in his sides. But it was instinctual — the way he searched for one thing when it was all over, pulling himself from the grasps of the hands that held him. A head of blonde hair was swimming somewhere in the crowd before the body of it started bounding towards him. He met Taeyong half way, blinking away the blood trickling from his forehead and into the flutter of his lashes.</p><p>He sucked in a breath, bones melting as Taeyong, with no hesitation, drew him forward with his hands and kissed him. He could feel Taeyong's fingers tremble around his cheeks as their lips met, but his hands were firm in the way they held him, as if any looser, Jaehyun would disappear. There was blood in his mouth as they kissed, but Taeyong licked into it, uncaring. Jaehyun's hands gripped his hips until Taeyong was flush against him, and their teeth clashed together with fervour, lips pressed together so tightly it hurt. Jaehyun pulled away, breathless and drunk on the power trip he'd experienced.</p><p>"I fucking love you," Jaehyun admitted before he could stop himself. He surged forward for another kiss before Taeyong could answer, putting all the sincerity he could muster into it before pulling away again. "I love you so fucking much."</p><p>There was a pause. And for a moment, Jaehyun feared that he'd lost him completely. Taeyong stood, shellshocked in his arms. His eyes darted around Jaehyun's face before it stopped again, body paralysed, and caused Jaehyun to fear for the worst. But then, he relaxed. He felt Taeyong physically dissolve in his arms, eyes wide and lips quivering as he replied, "I.. I love you too."</p><p>"You do?" Jaehyun's voice was quiet — small under the ruckus that surrounded them. There were consequences to face, but right here, right now, with Taeyong in his arms, nothing else mattered. He could take it all on. He felt like he could take on the <em>world.</em></p><p>Taeyong nodded, shifting in his arms, the look on his face morphing from one of shock to now unshakeable surety. "I do."</p><p>Jaehyun's heart swelled in his chest, threatening to burst out of its confines, fiery and light like the sun. He went in for another kiss, one that translated into his hopes and uncertainties he held for them and their future. And Taeyong kissed back like he <em>understood.</em> But he knew one thing for sure through the blood, sweat, and tears.</p><p>Every fight he'd ever had was <em>worth it.</em></p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my longest oneshot so far... i hope you enjoyed it &lt;3<br/><a href="https://mobile.twitter.com/starhoneyy">twitter</a><br/><a href="https://curiouscat.qa/starhoneyyy">curious cat</a></p></blockquote></div></div>
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